Goodness me what feels like yesterday is actually seven years ago,  i gave birth to my monkey.   I know i haven’t updated this post for ages and thought perhaps it is time.


Today he awoke with much enthusiasm way before the alarm went off.   The delight on his face upon receiving a Fireman suit was priceless.   He wore it to school as he was allowed to wear civies for birthday.

Surely it was seven days ago he was born definitely not seven years ago.   I clearly remember the his dad placing him in my arms.  He had been my greatest gift ever.


I have begun serving God once again.   Not an easy journey but one i love.













helpless mother

Well two years ago my son was frightened due to the fact badies poisoned his dog. This fact still is in his mind sadly.

Then a couple of weeks ago we heard the sirens racing to Jeppe town evictions. That wasn’t bad enough we had to listen to their shouting and gun shots. This unnerved my son so much that he almost hates the sound of a police siren.

So he is dealing with these issues and on Saturday his world is blown apart a little more

He is woken by the sound of me screaming for the neighbor to put on her alarm for us. My hub had heard voices in the yard and we have a dwelling at the back which a gentleman occupies.

He stuck his head out the window and asks if its Pat. Horror of horrors he hears the sound of a gun being cocked. He is so shocked he doesn’t even get his head back in.

A man steps back and points the gun at him which finally wakes him up to get back inside. Thankfully hub was upstairs and not downstairs.

We called the cops but of course the men had fled the scene. My son while trying to be brave is showing signs of stress and I feel for him.

While we are looking at it in a possitive light that God alerted my husband to the attempted break in its still rattled us as a family.

I haven’t slept in two nights my child has wet the bed and my hub wakes every hour to check around every window.

God was so gracious to us while we were scheduled for a 4 hour power outage for load shedding it didn’t happen as I prayed and asked God just not tonight and knowing our vulnerability he let the municipality give us a break.

We are extremely grateful for Gods hand over our lives but its still a little rattling to us.

We are not rich we have an ancient tv two cells a laptop and my cheap camera nothing of any value and definitely no money as we both unemployed.

God is good though in keeping us safe and for this we are truly blessed.

RIP brave little angel

Today is such a heart sore day for a wonderful family. their little girl in February 2014 was diagnosed with brain cancer, after 9 weeks of radiation and months of Chemo she was finally declared to be in remission. The only problem remaining was that the shunt put in her brain wasn’t doing its work and had to be replaced. This was done and the family were eagerly awaiting the all clear from the surgeon to say that the disease had lost and the little girl had survived.
Today we had to say goodbye to this wonderful child who was a blessing to everyone who met her and an encouragement to all suffering. I feel the pain of the family because it was definitely a matter of neglect on part of the hospital and was totally unnecessary.
I was blessed to meet this little girl when she was still so sick and I was inspired by her wonderful spirit to live and survive always with a smile on her face. I remember that her blood count was down and she was so tiered and weak and wanted to just lie down but amazingly she managed to smile and even laugh a little. Poplap and I fell in love with her and worried and prayed for her constantly.
Then came the news that she would have to have the brain shunt replaced in order for the fluid to drain from her brain. This was done but sadly it had not worked and so the shunt had to be replaced, so the Friday before Christmas she was admitted to hospital to await the replacement shunt. She was left to lie there without food or drink from Friday afternoon 16h00 to Sunday afternoon 12h00 when finally a theatre became available for her to be operated on.
She was taken to theatre and was released the next morning without observation, the family was only to happy to get home and thought how wonderful Christmas would be having their precious angel home even though they felt very sombre. Little one while vomiting and had a fever but the doctors had given her meds for this and the parents prayed the meds would kick in. Well she made Christmas morning and into boxing day when she woke up with seizures.
Again she was taken to casualty and lay there from Friday morning to Sunday afternoon. Despite her mom begging the staff to check her child’s breathing they refused saying they don’t know what is wrong and walking away from her. Finally one of the cancer doctors came in and attended to her and ordered tests. Horror of horrors the two old shunts were still in her brain and the 3rd one wasn’t even in her brain so was basically useless. The swelling on the brain was severe and causing breathing problems.
As the doctor was walking out promising to get her some medical attention she stopped breathing, he rushed back in and they put in a temporary external shunt which was dangerous as infection could set in. They then got her to theatre on the Monday morning and put in a proper shunt which seemed to have been done properly. From not having any doctors available to having the chief neuro surgeon on board with chief anethatiest together with two assistants each due to the fact that she had reported the mishandling to the news room of the local radio station. They discovered that an ulcer had formed due to the previous op and was bleeding and so they began treating her for this. On the Tuesday again little one was battling to breath and mom kept asking doctors for help, finally on Wednesday morning they took her for x-rays and discovered that they had injured her lungs either from the op or having put in a ventilator to get her to breath.
The treatment for this had been to steam her lungs every hour and she went from getting better to getting worse until finally on the Saturday she almost stopped breathing and the doctors after doing tests told the mom that her brain had been so badly damaged the child was unable to cough or swallow. The lungs were also so badly damaged they would have to put her back on the ventilator. This being bad enough the mother was advised that the child would have to share a ventilator as they didn’t have another machine available.
While putting in the drain for the lungs and the ventilator pipe this little angel finally gave in and closed her eyes for the last time never to open them again. Little one we will miss you dearly, you fought your hardest and now we salute you as fly free from your body which was racked with pain. We will meet again little one and this time it will be carefree and full of laughter.
Rick and Mel will always remember you and try and support your mom as much as we possibly can, even though we know she is the only one that can get herself through this terrible loss together with the help of our heavenly Father.


Oh me goodness why?

I have a vivid imagination and can summons a story within a minute. The game where u choose a subject and the person has to talk for a minute without a stop or hesitation. I am the queen and my cousins would leave me babble on longer than a minute to try and catch me out.

But even ny vast imagination has been all tapped out with monkeys why today.
Sigh I can’t wait for school tomorrow and yet I am dreading him not being with me.

Best friend ever

This post is to my sons best friend he will ever have or have had for her incredible bravery.

Annie was all 8 weeks when she became a part of our family. She was a pup bought especially for our baby boy who was 10 months old and needed a playmate and friend. We had two sausages but they were to grumpy for him to interact with.

He named her Annie this beautiful pup who was brave playful and full of love for her family. We tried taking Annie to training but sigh she was just to boisterous. Annie Annie but all she wanted to do was play with the other pups.

When it was time to sit in a circle and weave in an out the other pups she would howl until it was her turn. Then she would try and entice each pup to play as she weaved in and out. As for the sit up down etc she would do it once and that was it not again.

She will down for me anytime I tell er to without a treat as she is a most obedient girl. She however is still a pup at two years old and will chew anything she can get. Clothes toilet roll toys etc drives me crazy but then I need to learn to pick up after myself.

Monkey and other kids can pull her ears tail chase her and she has such patience with them never growls unless she is on high alert as a watch dog. Unfortunately this is where the tail turn sad.

Due to the high crime area we live in Annie is on high alert a lot lately. They have been trying to break in next door now for about 2 weeks on and off.

The people have used our yard to gain access and wonderful Annie has been a hindrance. For about a week all they were doing was activating the alarms to get us used to it and believing it was nothing. Unfortunately Annie was as dumb as an alarm and would go crazy barking. Now Annie maybe naughty but when she barks there is no mistaking something is up.

Annie had gone crazy barking and although the neighbour heard her bark when the alarm went off yet again she paid it no attention thinking it was the cat. But horror of horrors someone had been in her house and run off when the alarm went off.

Then things settled for a week no alarms no barking and then it all started again but this time barking only no alarms. Then the neighbour was faced with a man wearing a balaclava at 6 in the morning at her front door trying to break in.

We were on our way to church and the car wouldn’t start and my hubby noticed Annie walking funny and frothing at the mouth. As I opened the door she climbed in hardly able to move and went and lay on the back seat of the car. Twitching and jerking frothing and pooing all over.

We rushed her to the vet who confirmed she had been poisoned. Now had Annie slept outside she would’ve been dead as she would have consumed the poison a lot earlier and we wouldn’t have noticed.

Had the car not played up and only started once Annie got in the car she would be dead as we wouldn’t have noticed.

So thank you dear Lord for not allowing the car to start and so sorry we didn’t make church but loads of prayers were said for our girl as we rushed her to the vet.

The vet having been alerted to our arrival came out the minute he heard my voice. He rushed her and for the fist time didn’t invite me in back with him. Normally I was allowed to stand by my pet and he explained every step of what he was doing. Today I was left out in reception where I paced like a crazed caged animal.

He came out and advised she was stable it was the best news ever if not encouraging. When I called later I was told she had tried to bite the vet as he put in the drip. Yay my Annie was a fighter she wasn’t gonna give up.

I will know tomorrow if she survives or not and whether she will make a full recovery. Sadly and luckily my vet has been treating a lot of dogs lately in same situation and so knew exactly what to do.

So my brave lovely naughty Annie what trauma you endured all because you faithfully and lovingly protected your family and neighbour without fear.

You forever will be the heroine in my books my brave gal thank you for your love loyalty and devotion we love you girl. Monkey says he will poison those badies to and make them sick also.

Sigh my child has now been exposed to the harsh reality of badies and that angers me even more.

will he claim his place

So exciting my great nephew and monkeys 2nd cousin are on their way from Cape Town about to be fetched from the airport.

Excitement in the family reigns as aunty P baby cousin monkey and cousin are about to arrive. It’s baby monkeys birthday tomorrow and we are going to his birthday.

My monkey went to play with cookaloo and big monkey and so wanted to sleep over but with the descending of the extended family he can’t sleep over as the house is overflowing with people.

Aunty cookaloo drops him at home the tears are pouring because he has to come home and none of the cousins want to sleep over at his house.

The first visit from baby monkey and already he is being left out. My heart is so sore for him

Being a late lamb in life and cookaloo also they have a deep connection. Even in my tummy if he was sleeping and I picked up cookaloo he would move around in excitement. She is six months older but the bond is so good.
These two wonderful cousins are born just before the arrival of the first of the new generation. Monkey arriving just a mere 3 months before him.

He doesn’t yet go to creche and so doesn’t have any buddies as yet. We also live in a neighbourhood of an older generation and everyone pretty much keeps to themselves.

So tonight is a very lonely night for him. While his cousins are gathered in one house he has had to come home all alone.

My heart is breaking for him. I was brought up with loads of neighbours cousins and friends and then had to move and was left pretty much alone so I know how he feels.

I don’t have family with children his age and so he will need to rely on my hubbies family for cousins. Just seems so unfair to be the odd one out when normally he is very much included in the family.

I know he is so loved by all but tonight is his first exclusion and its not going to be the last. I will have to make a plan and ensure he doesn’t feel the exclusion.

The cousins all live in the same complex while he lives down the road that in itself already excludes him from a lot. Cookaloo and big monkey already share a load together and now he has a 3rd cousin added to the mix.

I just hope that his little personality is winning enough to fit in as if he to lived with the gang and not off on his own.

Sigh yes I know he will find his own space and niche but sigh its hard standing by knowing your child may not be the most popular we always want our kids to be the king pin.

Only his personality can ensure he finds his space in his family.

Love all the monkies of the family sigh I hate not being able to take control of this for him


“Mom did you see the flowers I planted for you in the garden, do you like them”  (the sticks that he planted are very sweet). “yes baby they are lovely.”   “mom I don’t like to eat pumpkin.” “Do you know where we get pumpkin from” “The shop.”   Seeing as my boy is now interested in planting I turn to my husband and say to him we must buy some seeds.  “mom I can’t eat seeds I am not a bird.” I am ripped with laughter and am trying to respond but it’s not coming out.  Again I say we must buy seeds and he says “but mom I don’t like seeds
“we will plant the seeds in the ground, then plants will grow and the plants will give us vegetables. Just like the fruit trees give us fruit.”
“that will be awesome mom.”
I could’ve just eaten him up then and there and now all of a sudden everything is awesome. 

I dont want to

“I don’t want to go to church.” ” But its childrens church”. “No mom,” sobs my monkey. “We going to fetch Cookaloo also”. Throwing his body around performing not to go we get into the car.

All the way to fetch cooks he is moaning and performing but forgets about it once cooks is in the car. We get to church and there is no sunday school only a party. I give my number and say to them I am going to chur….. They are gone monkey found a bike and cooks the jungle gym.

All through church I check for the message come and fetch your little one no message. I get to childrens church and can’t find them till monkey throws his arms round my legs

“But I don’t want to go home now mom.” “Well the teachers do so please come help me find your shoes”

Tears with I don’t want to go finally we out the door and on the way home.

Sigh a toddlers life is soooo hard


I find myself looking down at my boy and wondering. Who is he where is my baby.

I see him running along at the zoo and watch him in amazement wasn’t he just in the pram but yesterday helpless and so needing of mom.

I watch him throwing a fit because he wants to push his own trolley and I wonder where is the boy I used to push in my trolley.

I look at him and realise he has grown because we can now put a basket in the top shelf of the basket trolley and he can now see over the top.

I watch my boy eating anything and everything and wonder where is the baby that suckled at my breast for nourishment

I listen to my boy asking for the things he wants and wonder where is the baby that cried to indicate a need.

I now have to walk around to find a toilet when my boy needs to go and wonder where is the boy that let it go in his nappy.

My biggest amazement tough is as I look at my boy and realise how much I love him that slams into me harder than anything.

I have never loved anyone in my life with such abandon. I love yes but never to the point of if they leave me I will be devastated.

When I find myself loving my son with such abandon I realise that I love my husband just as much. The first time I realised that I got such a fright. I have always loved him but not to this point.

Where is my carefully contrsucted wall that shields me from loving people. What happened to who tore it down. Suddenly I have learnt to love and now I am vulnerable.

My dream of one day having a true family has been fulfilled whoo hoo.

The most amazing part of the journey though has been the smashing of my wall. Giving me the freedom to really love people and see them for who they are and not what I want them to be.

Thank you my money for the greatest gift of all I love u.

so we can eat

Father God we thank you for what we are about to eat and we pray that it will strengthen and nourish our bodies amen.

Now my little guy is starting to say the prayer to and its so adorable to hear I love it. He has asked to go to church, I didn’t even know he knew what church is.

“Ok monkey time to say our night time prayers”. “I don’t want to mom and when we eat in the day we don’t pray.” Realising he might not quiet understand why we pray I quickly jumped in and asked. The answer “So we can eat”.

Sweet but oh dear and so after explaining why he was very eager to thank God for keeping us safe in the day and he repeated some things of thanks from me.

Yay at least pray time is now done a little more willingly.

Now I think we need to instill morning prayers. Its not only to keep us safe but its a great way to have a small bonding time in the morning during the morning chaos. Just to breathe and quieten ourselves before the ultimate rush of the day.

screw driver driving me mad

Screw drivers are a most wonderful invention and has proven time and again to be mans best friend. See that’s where people have it wrong its not a dog trust me give a man a screwdriver and its going to make his eyes shine.

Well that’s the case in my house we can’t seem to have enough screwdrivers to keep the two guys satisfied. Now if these screwdrivers were put to good use this would be one happy women. Focus mind up here please not in the gutter.

Of late I am finding an awful amount of screws lying about the house, in my bed in the cupboards on the floor. I will just be picking up a screw and wondering where it came from and as I lay I on the table the table caves in. Um I wonder if that screw maybe belonged to what was once my table “ja think”

I am all for men having the screwdrivers if they drive the screw home you get my point. But it seems screws no longer serve a purpose in my home. As fast as hubby screws them in little monkey unscrews ten more. Now my hubby is a big strong man an he is able to tighten the screws really well. Um not well enough it seems.

The scariest part was I turned my lap top over and my sons eyes started shining his fingers itching and twitching and yes he yelled it out “mom your puter has screws”. Well that puter has been put out of reach and never been brought down ever since.

Monkey is such a screwdriver pro he would unscrew it within seconds flat while I was working on the laptop before I could even say hey.

Anyone want a bunch of screwdrivers after I have rescrewed my possessions together that is.


Kiwi is our new baby in the house. He is only 6 weeks old. My monkey adores him. As worried as I was about him hurting kiwi he hasn’t. He is so gentle with kiwi

I see him with the dogs and I feel sad that he hurts them with no thought to how they feel. With kiwi he is so different and careful.

Kiwi has taken to our home with ease and fits into running around the house with confidence. He flies to us family members and has no fear of us.

So maybe my child is a bird man. Yay something he shows concern for.

why is why back?

“Mom why is there a fork in my food?” “Well u eating with it”. “But why mom I don’t want to eat with a fork”.

“Why did that man park there? Why did the man sit down? Why did that lady walk there? Why are they driving on the road? Why? Why? Why? Why?

We went through the y phase about 3 months ago then it stopped why oh why oh why is the why phaze back. HELP! Will I survive it and why do we have to endure it.

Sigh I am sure I will live through it but its driving me insane and second time round is far worse how long does it last?

a little love – or begging?

Its Saturday and we off to visit granny Mags who lives in a retirement viliage.
No I am not to sure if my son knows he actually only had one granny there or if he believes all the grannies are his. Well probably he does but he sure knows how to solicit goodies from the grannies.

Once he has got what gran Mags has for him he is out to the next flat to solicit whatever it is the next gran has for him. He enters the flat boldly and stands and waits for his biscuits, sweets chips juice fruit or whatever is being offered.

He happily comes back with the offerings and shows us. It doesn’t matter what he is offered he is never ungrateful and always hugs and kisses thank you.

Once he has shown us his gifts its off to the next gran for her offering. While I have felt so awful for his begging the grans are delighted in the little joy he brings them.

Leaving can take some time as e greets all the grans one more time ensuring they don’t perhaps have one last offering to make.

He climbs into the car pretty happy with his gifts no matter how big or small. Each gran has had a love and kiss and all seem happy for the visit.

Now to unteach him that grans are there to give u things may take a while. He isn’t quiet as lucky visiting granny one but loves and kisses are still given freely so perhaps there is hope after all.

Balance my dear all comes down to balance.

resilient child

There was a mix up with the electricity bill. Partly our fault partly some dumb idiot not doing their job properly.

So the power was cut, and for a week we have been without electricity as we try sort out the mess.

Anyway beside that our beautiful son has been amazing through it all. Instead of whining that we don’t have lights or hot water or whatever convenience electricity may bring he has found joy in the darker side of things.

Candles are real fun the flame dances and he gets to do his next favourite thing to playing in water. At the end of the night he gets to blow out the candles.

He got to bath in his toy bucket when not bathing at his aunts house with his cousie. Now that I think has been the hi light of his day.

We watch movies on the pc that I charge at work each day or read in candle light. While it has been a stressful time for us he has made us see that life is what you make of it.

We are so blessed to have a child who asks for so little in life and understands when we have we give him when we don’t oh well he will get it when mom and dad have.

Sigh now I think the novelty of no electricity is wearing off but hopefully we will sort it all tomorrow.

ja to yes

How sweet every so often I notice my monkey’s vocabulary increases and he pronounces words so much better than the day before.

At the moment my little guy has swapped his ultimate favourite word ja for yes. Its so cute because every answer almost is “yes”.

Well almost I didn’t say all sigh and maybe that’s not such a bad thing after all.

the black one THE BLACK ONE

Kicking and fighting moaning an groaning half crying he is wiggling round the bed as if running from something.

Then he cries out “the black one” quickly followed by a louder “THE BLACK ONE”. And all of a sudden the wriggling stopped an into dreamland he fell.

For the past few nights now he has been restless. Granted he isn’t to well as he has a bit if flu but still all that kicking and moaning is it normal.

Now my niece also talks in her sleep but chatters away mostly not restless like this.

I actually have to wake monkey up in order to get him settled. Is I his first dreams, or what does anyone know because I sure need a good nights sleep. Sigh one day I am sure.

I Think um I am in charge

Well now it would be so nice to come home one night without a performance. If I allow him to open the gate close the gate, uppie him up the stairs and allow him to lock the door it is some other issue.

“You dindin make me juice” to ” I wanted to wee first”. Not one night in the last 2 weeks have I come home and picked up a bundle of joy happy to see morm.

Yes I know its the battle of wills and because dad gives in and allows him to be boss well most the time. Its mom and boy that are at logger heads battling it out to see who is boss. He just seems to want to push to see if he can be in charge.

Although I leave him to whine and mope it can go on for quiet sometime and often results in mom shouting. I know I know this is not good for any of the family and it definitely doesn’t bare fruit but it sure helps me get over my monkey’s stubborn streak.

Sigh so the battle will continue for awhile I suppose until I am able to keep my composure during the battle. Sigh I so need just 5 min play time with him.

how will they know?

It was with great sadness I was telling a mommy of 2 monkies aged 9 and 7 about simple party games. She was in awe of me, how did I come up with such amazing stuff.

All it is is good old fashioned games like pop the balloon; pass the parcel; pin the tail. How sad that parents don’t know these simple games how will they teach their kids to be team players.

Now days we wonder why kids are so selfish, well basically computer games are each man for themselves. You fight for what you want and if the enemy doesn’t move just kill him problem solved. What kind of kids are we growing.

I wish I could round up a million kids and start teaching them good old fashioned games so that they can have a childhood and play. Its so much easier to dump them in front of a tv with either a remote or a game control.

Wake up parents it takes more than a control device to succeed in life. I wish life was as simple as holding a remote but sigh its not so teach your children to interact with actual humans not cyber people please.

misunderstood big monkey

My friends son (big monkey) is such a lovely child yet so few people give him a chance. They hear someone yelling at him and all of a sudden he is a naughty child.

Yes he is naughty and not for the reason normally kids are naughty for. He craves the attention no one wants to give him. The less he gets the more he wants and the more he desires it the more he seems to make others dislike him.

He comes to our home and we enjoy him, he wants so little and demands very little from us. Sadly he seems to think that the only way he is going to get anything is if he is good and does something nice. He will do something nice and say to me please can we have sweets because we did something nice.

How sad can’t he just get it becuase he is a child and deserves it. Last night my heart was so sore for him. I went downstairs to make hot chocolate for him and coffee for hub. I didn’t have any so when I got upstairs he asked me what I had. I told him and began walking towards him with it. “Must I taste yours Mia”. I nearly cried and quickly assured him it was his and not mine. “But what you having then?”. Shame he was worried I now wouldn’t have anything but I assured him I didn’t want any.

Afterwards he was so happy and asked if he could go put the cup in the sink downstairs. Such a simple thing and now he is so different with me if I speak he listens a lot easier.

He is such a hurt and lost little boy who lives in fantasy land of movies and wwf. He is intelligent and soaks up information with ease and so willing to share it.

Love u big monkey and looking forward to more sleep overs.

sleep over

“Mia please can I sleep by your house”. Now this in itself is something because we beg we plead and nope she won’t come sleep over.

We were laughing saying my sis in law was wasting her time packing a bag cause she would be home soon. Well boo for us she was determined to sleep over.

We trooped upstairs to the bedroom put the bags down and all three monkies were put in the bath. Yes my nephew decided to come over as well.

Well it all went extremely well I even had a plan of who was to sleep where. Well the joke was on me, these are little people with a will of their own and there own ideas. Little cooka looloo loo decided my bed was where she was sleeping and my son wasn’t giving up his space to her either.

“I want my mommy”. Oops let’s see if she gets over this and so I sat her on my lap and one two three we were fine. She got off went to wee got onto the bed and was in dreamland before I could tuck her in.

Monkey lay down next to her and now where were my hub and I to lie. Squash move them up wiggle our big bums onto the bed and finally we were all in. Well please don’t the little one say roll over cause there’s no knot in our pajama tops.

Big monkey guy was on the kids bed next to our bed and into dreamland we all went. What the……. Why am I so sore then a little arm flew ove my neck holding me tight “I love you mom.” I love you to my cook a looloo” and she proceeded to chat to me in her sleep. That moment alone was worth every ache and pain in my body this morning.

Sigh I wish I had more kids but hub says no fanks one is way more than enough lol.

animals verse water

My monkey now being able to walk (a good while ago) we decide its time to do some stints to visit animal places like the zoo, bird parks etc.

The cage is filled with monkeys playing and frolicking, catching one another “mom look they got water” and he stares at the water bowl.

“Mom why there no water here” empty cage but he is concerned there is no water.

We pass the lions enclosure and there is a waterfall, no the lions play fight is of no interest however the waterfall is amazing.

So I finally decided it would be so much cheaper for me to fill water bowls place them randomly in the garden and allow my monkey to find them.

After all water is the sought after commodity. Sigh why did I waste my time trying to point out the actual animals

the naughty toy fairies

We enter monkeys room this morning which is strewn with toys. Confused he looks up at me and asks “who made this mess mom”.

My sarcasm about to jump out (um the toy fairies) however this would just confuse the issue. So instead I reply “well who played with the toys and didn’t put them away”. Quiet sweetly he looks at me and says “my cousies”.
I had to smile “and so you didn’t play with them?” Nodding his head he says “I did but I just took one toy played and put it back”.

“Mm I see, and the blocks?” Without skipping a beat. “I just took one block builded and put it back again.”

Yip he was convinced it wasn’t him, he dindin make such a mess. So later I called home and asked what he was doing. “Picking up the toys my cousies played with.” Well at least he was picking up the mess what can I say.

oh dear like dad an mom

Now I am the type of person I love people around and then I want quiet and my space. My hub could easily live on an island with our son and myself with a once in 6yr visit from family.

My son seems to be stuck in the middle of these. He loves people but wants his space to himself. So last night after having all his cousins over he comes to us and says I am zum (finished) to play can hey go home now.

Well we never told anyone lol but it was funny to us. But shortly thereafter hub told everyone to leave lol so we all won in the end.

At least our son can mix with others even if its for short periods of time only

one year sobriety

This goes out to my amazing hubby who today is one year sober and for that I thank him for he has improved the quality of his families lives.

It was not a proud time for me either I did my hub wrong. For that I am deeply ashamed and sorry for it caused great hurt. It was just befriending another guy. Nothing ever happened but it wasn’t right. I shouldve turned to my hubby not away from him.

I could make a hundred excuses but what kind of apology would that be, it would be more justification.

However back to my hubby, most weekends he would be drunk and passed out and he believed this was living. Well he turned all that around and now lives for us his family and we reciprocate that.

I would just like to say to a wonderful man thank you darling buggy bear for turning us from people living together to a family. Without your love and commitment we could’ve been on a diff path. I am grateful to you for so much and sorry my darling I nearly caused the end for us.

How could we both have jeopardised our family chasing our own pleasures when we should have been building and twining our lives together.

Thank you for taking charge and turning our family around and standing up in your rightful place as man and hubby of our family.

I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that and for the opportunity to continue a life with both the guys that mean the world to me

very teritorial and claiming ownership

Well my monkey is at that age where he is claiming his space his routine his independance and a whole lot more.

Not only is he claiming all this for himself but he is realising that others also have prized or necessary possessions like food, chairs, bed space (yes bed space not beds).

Even the dogs have space things have places and the list goes on and he likes things to be in their place. Secretly I think its cause I am so messy he over compensates with his forever cleaning and tidying up. Oh dear.

So Piccolo (pililo) has gracefully passed on. “Mom I am cross”. “Why”. “Shinga is zuming (finishing) Pililo’s special food.” I just hugged him and said its fine pilolo doesn’t need it anymore.

Sigh best I stop with the warbling and help him tidy up.

doggy’s gone

My monkey loves his dogs but he can be a little rough with them. Tonight he sat down with piccolo the sausage and loved him for a while. This is out of character he will ruffle them and trip over them but never this type of loving.

The dog had been sick but at times he coughed from allergy and a change of diet and some antihistamines worked wonders so I did this and he was responding well or so I thought the coughing had eased and he had a bounce and wag in his tail.

Then last night the coughing started in ernest and I tried antihistamine but alas it didn’t work. This morning I was going to take him to the vet if he wasn’t better.

He went outside and all was still, hubby went out and found him dead. I sobbed and sobbed so hysterically it felt as if my heart was going to break. My piccolo and I had been through so much I am devastated. I feel so awful I should have taken him to the vet.

I am now numb and sad he died alone. I nearly lost him as a pup and brought him back from the throws of death and now in his older years I let him die outside alone.

He was such a lovely dog beside being sickly he never bothered us and had brought us great joy all these years. Now his blanket lays empty I will remove it from my room I can’t bear to look at it empty.

Piccolo my baby dog you will be missed and mom loves you.

Now I have to explain it to my boy when he wakes. I believe in honesty about death I won’t lie to him. He needs to be able to deal with the sadness of it. I am a realist and he dealt with the loss of our cat he will be fine with this to

thank u dad

I would like to thank my darling husband for creating such an awesome birthday cake. It was a stunning piece of art. It tasted even better and your son loved his train cake.

Thank you wonderful man for all the effort you put into making our monkeys birthday a great one.

As for the bunny chow wow those were great to.

I so love my amazing hubby

hubbies creation

hubbies creation

so he is 3

“Good morning baby, whose birthday is today”. Smiling ear to ear “mine,” with kisses all round.

“Look what we got you” we say pointing to the big red present sitting waiting to be opened. Quickly he dives off the bed to go see his present, rips it open and while still opening it says “its a bike, oh thank you for my bike, thank you for my bike”. Over and over he keeps thanking us.

Putting the bike together is a little harder than anticipated and for a little guy he sure showed restraint. The wheel connection to the handle bars was a little bent but thankfully fixable. The peddle looked as if the thread was striped and we thought we would have to return it. Thankfully it finally fitted in.

I was washing my hair over the bath and he came into the bathroom, “thank you morm for my bike”. Looking at me he says “but I want to kiss you morm”. He had been kissing dad over and over it was so sweet.

Getting back to the room he asked and “and so morm where’s more”. “You will get later baby when mom gets home”. He was happy with that and turned back to his bike.

I got to work all sad not being with my boy to find we had a power failure and so I could’ve stayed home. How irritating but at least at 3 we were allowed to leave.

I helped set up for the dinner we were having for him in between giving him his other small insignificant gifts which he appreciated so much. A toddler really wants a mountain of presents rather than one big one.

Dad made a beautiful train cake for him it was stunning. But from the time he started until after dinner all we heard was can we have cake now can we have cake now.

After opening another mountain of gifts from everyone the people had cake and left. We had a happy and tiered monkey “is my birthday finished now he kept asking”.

But he was on a high and getting him changed and into bed was proving to be a little bit of a mission. He wanted to play with his new toys then watch a movie to which I had to say no.

Finally to dreamland he drifted giving an exhausted and happy mom and dad a chance to follow him to dreamland.

Sleep well monkey dream of your birthday and all the presents. Sigh all the hype is now over till christmas.

u sure 3yrs ago?

Three years ago today I was packing a bag for my monkey and me. He was about to make his entrance into the world and I was about to birth a boob attachment which would move to the hip. (I wish I could say monkey moved to the hip only but seems boobs joined him in sitting there lol. Thank goodness for slings)

Goodness me I have more butterflies today than back then what’s up with that. Of course I was nervous I re packed the bag at least 5 times if not more. I cried because now I had to share him with the world he was no longer totally mine growing in me.

Sleep they said I must sleep and rest as much as possible. But that’s not possible because that’s the only thought running through my head.

Crying laughing incessant talking was the dawn of the birthing day ever going to break. Now three years later his birthday seems to be eluding me like its never going to arrive.

Sigh I know I know its two sleeps but still

Birthday means……..

Ok that’s it if you break any more toys I won’t buy you any more. Not even for your birthday.

But can I have balloons? Yes. An a coke morm. With a very puzzled look says and presents? Yes but clothes only no toys. “But balloons morm.” More confusion “an presents”. “Yes clothes only. Nodding his head he says ok cloth presents.

“Morm is it going to be a big party with ten presents like dannies” he asks nodding his head hopping to get my agreement.

How can one argue and fight with the sweetness of this?

did mom say

This morning I have woken up with an angel. I was sleeping he was awake just lying in bed quietly playing with his two bunnies.

He has listened to every instruction and command given. From getting dressed to eating his food to picking up toys. Where is my monkey?

Hubby was busy feeding him and he asked him to have one more mouth full. Monkey asks “did mom say”. Wha ha ha ha like I would force him to eat. I always allow him to advise when he is full.

The reason being we as kids are taught eat everything on your plate and as a result as an adult as full as we are we chomp it down because we have to finish what’s on our plate.

Noooo I am a fatty and don’t want a fat son so when he is full he is full

laugh a little

Good gracious Scarymom and you know it happens at your house to you gals are a scream and I so enjoy your honest posts.

We all have our flaws and glitches crazy moments but we tend to try and be so serious pretending to have it all together. How about we face reality be honest and admit we fail dismally at times and need to tell the truth. Probably need a helping hand as well, but the other mothers are so likely to gasp in shock we prefer to hold on tight liped scared to let slip.

Well the secret is out as much as I try – am not perfect I fail I fall but the most important point for me is I haven’t thrown in the towel and walked away. Nope its the long haul for me no opting out choice.

But HELP and support is most definitely needed so when I tongue in cheek spill the beans albiet it with a little humour go ahead help but be warned don’t judge me.

Come on moms let’s stand together so we don’t drop the ball.

monkey see

Oh boy oh boy this week has been a really crazy busy one and just flown by so quickly it seemed I stepped out the front door on Monday morning turned around and it was Thursday evening already.

Where did the time go and its almost as if I haven’t seen my monkey in that time.(I have and enjoyed being present in his presence but shew just seems like I haven’t) He on the other hand has definitely noticed mom and dad. Both our absence and presence.

He has picked up on dads face expressions and mimics them so well. He also wants to do everything mom and dad do. Drink tea early morning, help dad cook every night (yes I am blessed that dad cooks). He finally is showing an interest in dressing himself (thought that was never going to happen).

He is also showing some of his own traits and expressing himself far to much for my liking. Ha ha ha I supose its all in growing up. Threat of the naughty boy chair is a huge thing in his life. Just the thought of it can stop tears mid way down his cheeks.

Its so hard how do you stop the whining and crying without teaching them crying is bad. Last night he didn’t want to kiss me so I pretended to cry. In a stern voice he said to me “don’t cry, stop it”. Now neither I nor my hub tell him to stop crying we say its enough now we have said no and that’s that.

Sigh parenting is so difficult to get a happy balance. Just like this post it was all over the place sigh with very little or almost nothing to do with the title.

birthday boy to be

Well I can’t believe the 3yr mark is just but a few days away. Gee whiz what happened to being preggy I sure miss those days.

“Well monkey a few more sleeps and its your birthday”. “Yes but first its daddy’s day”. “And what are you going to give daddy”. “A big board” huh. “Ja a big board with paint on it”. Ha ha ha ha yes its a card.

How sweet is that he is more excited about painting daddy a card than actually having a birthday. That’s my little monkey.

moms tantrum

Omw after a half hours whining about not waving bye bye to his aunt I am loosing it.

I have begged pleaded shouted soothed asked how to fix it but it goes one and on.

Finally enough I grab him spank his bottom and refuse to let him come with me into the shop. He has to stay with dad.

I get back to the car howling continues, I am ready to throw my own tantrum. Oh dear and the other day I was so proud I though I had tantrums under control.

Wha ha ha ha joke of the day I supose

empty feeling

Tonight I am a loss with myself and feeling empty.

For 15 years hubby and I plodded along trying to have a baby. I had done enough preggy tests to start a recycling factory. Then bam one day two lines appeared shock of shocks it was the most wonderful thing in the world

A baby was growing in me my very own monkey all home grown it was unbelievable to finally be having a baby. Now tonight he is sleeping out at aunty Carla and uncle Buks and I feel lost and empty.

He fills so much of my life even a few hours without him seems an eternity. I felt so sorry for him, he so wanted to go to his aunt but kept looking at me for reassurance that I was ok with it.

He didn’t ask me and everytime he checked if he could go he asked in a small voice so excited to go but so unsure of leaving mom. So I smiled bravely and said yes baby its fine.

Well its not but he so loves his aunt also and so I will never stop him going. Love that dude I seriously do.

missing the mark

Mmm now why on earth is that person offended I didn’t say anything wrong.

Well my son has been teaching me something very very valuable. Think reword think and rethink then speak.

“Baby the water is to hot I must make it cold.” “Why must u make it cold” “the water is to shew shew”. “But I don’t want a cold bath.” “Monkey its too cold I must make it hotter. Scream rant rave “but I don’t want a hot bath” cry moan. Aah “baby the bath is to hot I must make it warm.”. “Oh ok morm.”

Aah the right word at last. What have been your experiences with wrong wording.

the dreaded t word

Well it is with a very sore heart that I left home this morning.  At heart I am a working mom as I need to do it for financial gain as well as reason for sanity.  Well my sanity is questionable but yes its best that I should work to keep some form of semblance of it, but who is to say what sane or insanity is.  Ok back to the point sorry for that brain meander.
“Come monkey let morm dress you”.  “Morm you have time to dress me today?”  Heart was shattered at that, I have been trying to tell him what time is and explain it to him but what does an almost 3yr old know about time.  A moment can be forever and a sleep can be a moment in time, all he knows is that he needs to eat, play sleep, bath and mom and dad squash in some time for him in between that somewhere along the line. 
“Morm, please can you make me nice tea, do you have time.” That unearthly clanging word again, its suddenly making me realise how rushed life is always about we want to go we are going to be late.  Its time to bath, time to eat, time to sleep, why is it that, that little ticking (now silent digital flipping over) of time running away speeding away and my child has to ask me if I have time for him.
So it is with a sickening feeling I have to say its time for me to stop rambling on and close up my computer for the day in preparation to join my son.  The joy is that its home time, time to spend precious time with my son.  Give him the time he so craves from me.  But in all honesty time is becoming a word I hate.


Eeeouch eina oh what is going on. I have an extreme pain on my buttox cheek.

Now I have a very large rear end I am fat (really fat) not the skinny womans 2kg fat ok yes obese fat. Shew there its out lol.

There is something attached to some of the fat oh please let it be a fat sucking monster then the pain will be worth it. Eina ouch no not even that will be reason for such pain.

I reach down and find a foot attached to my butt, no two feet. Now I know both hub and I have long toes but this is impossible seriously. My monkey has his toes entwined in my butt fat. I pry his foot loose after a struggle only to find the pain still persists. Unbelievably I pry the second set of toes loose and feel slight relief because he has left a walloping bruise there.

I had almost forgotten the incident when my hubby playfully grabbed a piece of that great big booty and I yelped so loud. Yip you guessed right on the same spot.

Now with such a big booty it seems I can’t even see where the bruise is but it seems my whole booty is sore now freak my bean. Come on guys seriously.

mythical creatures

“Come on monkey the sandman is waiting to put sleep in your eyes to make you sleep, he has plenty of other people to visit.”. Without further ado he light gets turned off he prepares for bed and its off to dreamland.

Two nights later “morm we can’t sleep the sandman is coming in wows room.” No amount of convincing him the sandman is good is working here, a stranger is coming in our room and that’s that. So for a few days we live in fear of the little man entering our room. But we back to being cool about it.

Santa left presents under the tree you wanna go see them. No. Let’s go see if he ate his biscuits and drank his milk yay ja let’s do that. Excitement reigned as he noted sanata had eaten and drunk. Finally he got round to the gifts we were so excited about.

Easter bunny is a washout he left eggs in his room not the garden well not until later that is. It took him like two months to eat the eggs.

Well so much for mythical creatures for my son wonder what the toothfairy intro will bring.

dont be an insecure mom please

I have come to realise that an insecure mom is always looking for fault with another moms parenting style.

Why can’t we just be the best moms we can an focus on the good points of another mom encouraging her and building her up.

How easy it is to critisise and yes sometimes even by trying to help we make the mom feel insecure and judged.

I felt so judged by a parent yesterday when my sick child was whining and was asked what’s wrong but witha attitude. So I gently reminded the parent he was not generally a whinny child but that he was in fact not well. The parent immediately agreed and we moved on.

So come on moms and dads let’s leave each to their own parenting and focus on being the best parent we can to our own children.

horse mobbed

The horses have always been wonderful and calm with us so into the paddock we go with a packet of carrots.

Big big mistake suddenly the beauties have become a mob of eager fighters. Fish the docile beauty decides I am his and all carrots belong to him. He stomps around me demanding another carrot and has got between me and monkey.

Poor old pepperpot the kids favortie pony wants one to and he tries to stand up to fish even though he half fishes height. One nudge from fish and that’s sorted. All I am trying to do is get back to my monkey.

Finally I scoop him up and start heading for the gate I am almost willing to throw carrots away from us to get fish to move. He stands between me and the gate not moving. Now normally a slap will get him to move cause he was abused before. Not today I have carrots and there are still some in the packet.

Finally I manage to duck under his neck reach the gate and bolt out the paddock. Heart beating I had to pretend to be brave when in fact I nearly dropped to the ground and screamed help me I am being robbed.

But we came out unscathed and monkey still loves horses

aargh who dares….

Aargh did you dare to touch me to wake me up. I don’t believe it, I am a light enough sleeper to just be woken by my name being called.

Now I am in a bad mood and for what reason I actually have no idea, I just know that being woken by touch annoys me so badly.

Tap tap tap my cheek is being tapped I know it seriously can’t be my husband for after 20yrs he would never dare. “Morm are u not tiered anymore, you awake now”. I open my eyes to a beautiful smile and all irritation evaporates as if I was awoken with just the whisper of my name.

How different we treat the little monkeys of our lives. I hope that his charm lives in my heart forever never being broken for its the sweetest feeling in the whole world to be charmed by a monkey lol.

what u dont have a book

My monkey loves books and thrives on the ritual of reading before prayers are said and good night hugs and kisses are dispensed.

It doesn’t matter what I am reading to him, as long as I read he is happy to lie in my arm and listen. I add expression and over exaggerate the voices etc and he loves this.

If he finds out someone doesn’t have a book it concerns him a great deal and he will choose a book to give the child. One day I asked if I could give a less privileged boy two of his cars to which he readily agreed. But to my surprise, delight and teary joy he got up chose two books very carefully and asked ” morm please can the ittle boy have these two books awlso?”

That was a great moment of pride for me how awesome is my monkey?

up again

Its midnight an I seem to believe I have had enough sleep for the night.
Having been awake the last few nights for my monkey I suppose my body believes 3 hours is more than enough and I need to now be awake.

What am I to do, try sleep, write another story; put music on an blast my eardrums; or yes I know I have it just ramble on and paste a blog.

Yip guys an that’s what won.

Annie eats the babies

Annie is our most beautifully naughty gal. She is my monkeys dog without a shadow of a doubt and listens to his every command.

She is an alsatian an my monkey puts her head through his arm and drags her around the house garden and everywhere and she just follows.

Now when it comes to naughtiness you would think a monkey would outweigh it by far. Mmm nope Annie is the naughty one. Most the stuff in our house is Annie. What she can’t chew she knocks over. The garden on a daily basis is littered by Annie.

So one night piccolo the sausage is mmmMMMmming for ages an no matter how many times I yell he continues. My monkey was sick so I get up stumble downstairs get muti an back up. Half asleep I kick something wet an cold ug.

I look down and its a lump of fur (well hey I was half asleep) but I proceed its probably one of monkeys chewed up toys. Medicine dispensed light off I try and drift into dream land. Dogs are fighting. I wake and realise the fur item was once alive.

Thank goodness for super hub to the rescue. He sorted it, it was a baby peacock from next door. Sadly another batch of babies are going to be munched. Sorry but Annie ha retriever in her so if they come in she will eat them.

Sigh when will neighbours put up a better fence.

brave monkey

So last night my little monkey sick and all decided it was a good night to sleep in his own bed again. In my room next to my bed of course.

We bring in the little bed yet again tongue in cheek hoping above hope he will actually sleep in it.

Well a brave little guy lay down after good night kisses and prayers and promptly went to sleep. I was so amazed again in his timing he will do it.

The bed felt so empty and hubby and I felt abandoned this just wasn’t right he may be ready but we are not.

Ha ha ha short lived an hour later he was up sobbing and back in our bed kicking and punching us hogging as much of it as he could get.

Sigh one day I will be ready to let him sleep in his bed.

cant correct its to cute

Oh boy some of his words are so cute I want him to use them forever so what if others laugh. He is my monkey and they are adorable words fantasy or wrong who cares they are his.

Mom please can I have a tantoon that monster one on my arm please morm. Yes I am known as morm an I love it and the tattoo (tantoon) phase is on in full force.

Morm its jum (the j in like jim but a little dragged out almost z like. Meaning its finished its now our family word.

Morm where’s wow (our) ….? Morm where’s wows? I really don’t have the heart to give those little words up yet wrong or not. Sure one day they will be gone just as clarla became carla.

Chlicklen became chicken. Klitchlin will become kitchen. An ittle it will be little bit. I am not going to correct him all day
In his time and stride he will get it right.

glued to mom

All I want to do is eat my dinner. Its not a difficult thing I mean at 46 I have done this often enough by now its old hat.

Problem is with a toddler on your lap. I want to ask him to move as I eat but you know one day all to soon he won’t want to sit on my lap. So I leave him and battle on with trying to cut up my food one handed.

Oh grief I am eating so slowly I am full before half finished with my food. Hey little monkey you sit here when ever you like. Perhaps I could loose weight this way. Sigh wishful thinking I think oh sigh woe is me fat I remain

That Cursed Little Stick

I had no hope of this little cursed stick producing two lines and yet I tried yet again, despite having promised myself never to ever test again until I was vomiting my lungs out. The last test had me lying in a heap on the floor hugging the toilet bowl sobbing my heart out. I was never going to let that happen again.

Yet here was a stick in my hand which I was going to wave under the yellow liquid which would hopefully as if with magic produce two little lines. There was no expectation, I had done this a gazillion times and each and every time one little line appeared no magic no joy for a second line.

I peed on the little wand and as I extracted it there was two definite strong lines, no, no this was not happening. I was going to adopt a baby already chosen, I was to old I was already 42 I had gone through menopause surely my hormones had gone crazy and this was some sick joke. I had just started a new job, but here this little cursed stick was telling me that me that I had a baby growing inside of me.

This was a reality that seemed to good to believe and even my husband doubted and told me not to trust those cursed sticks but to go for a blood test. Well off I went got the test and the next morning before the doctors office opened I was calling them, but obviously results hadn’t yet arrived let alone the doctor. As I put down the phone it rang it was the doctors office I was 8 weeks pregnant.

I dropped the phone and the entire office erupted into cheers as I calledmy husband to advise of the news. This was a dream way to beautiful to believe, but so believable and I began to sift through names for my son.

I believed with all my heart it would be a son there was never a doubt and that is what I had a beautiful son.  I have tried writing this story from a deep soul wrenching angle but it didn’t seem right.  The hopelessness I felt had drained away as those two lines appeared and never again could I tell of the heart wrenching agony I went through each time I took a test and no second line appeared.

That magic line erased countless years of agony and disappointment as if by magic, and now I rejoice in the fact that God had given me a child which he had promised me.  Lord I thank you for my blessing, for removing the barren curse from me and providing me with a son.

Those little pregnancy wands can be a curse or a blessing depending on the outcome you hope for.  A baby is never a curse but that little wand now that is the evil thing that shows no consideration for ones feelings it just tells it like it is.

Trying times

Well it definitely is trying times for me at the moment.  A little guy that wants to do stuff but wants instant gratification.  He is trying to create a computer character that moves, but the problem is that his patience is so low or should I say no patience at all.

Cries of “help me mom” “but mom you are doing it all”  “I know what to do.” “Help mom it won’t do what i want it to do”  Without of course telling me exactly what it is he actually wants to achieve.  My bed is in a mess because of the tantrum my head is aching trying to figure out what it is I should be doing.

Help mama’s I need to teach him patience and endurance but how oh how?

Oh well if this is 7 what will 8 bring.

My blessing for Christmas

So over the last two years Christmas and birthdays have been tough for my son.

His Christmas list is small but it’s not known if it can be filled or not.

Anyway I tell him of a story of a child of 4 not getting Christmas who lives tip up trucks and graders.

Quickly he says so I got some he must have. Really how more blessed can a mother be.


A little guy launches his boat and sets off sailing to venture out for his first solo regatta. The fact that he is a junior, racing against intermediates who are also older than him makes no difference he is going to try.

In fact he thought he was racing against adult qualified skippers.

The starting block is a challenge staying within the block not crashing into anyone ensuring you stay in front is probably going to be his biggest challenge.

He is also a little tiered having spent all morning as a bailer on a mirror but he is super excited to race. In fact that he spent the day on rheumatoid water is surprising to say the least.

“I am not sailing today, I am cold.” That was that he was determined he was not sailing for training. Then he was convinced to crew on the mirror which he grumpily agreed to. Once on he didn’t want to get off. Despite being bailer he enjoyed it so much.

Then uncle Dave asked if he was racing and bailing was forgotten as he excitedly ran in to get his boat sail and rudder to rig. A mad flurry ensued only to realise skippers briefing was an hour away.

It is strange to realise he is a skipper despite not having his licence and him being so young. So I am proud of him indeed.

So he crashed a few times in the starting block; he didn’t get into first position but he stayed within the block that in itself was a great achievement.

They were away he placed 5th in the first race which was 3rd last but he beat some seniors that’s got to count for something, right? Next race starts and as they round the return bouy he comes to a screaming halt can’t move.

This doesn’t happen at shore but way way across the vlei where he is but a tiny speck almost. OK ok not quiet but I am the mom and storyteller so yes he was a solo speck struggling to get back to the finish.

Another child may have freaked being out there alone but no he kept his cool and persevered.

Safety boat goes out he has an air bubble in his sail and having no experience he doesn’t know this. Uncle Henry motors out to him and helps him through it. This is his biggest learning curve in sailing yet.

He could’ve given up and not crossed the finish line being so far behind the others who have already started a new race. Nope the rule is you have to finish the race and he honours that. Man he has tenacity and staying power.

So if I am proud of my 7 year old excuse me but I am one proud mama bear.

self charged GUILTY

Wow written and rewritten so many times cause I couldn’t get wordpress to work. Maybe I should just give up na here goes.

I am so sick aching head body nails hair the works and so is hubby. My toddler is needing to play run jump and be a typical three year old help.

Suddenly he gets quiet and I can see he isn’t well. Secretly my heart flips yay now we can rest together, watch a movie color and best of all sleep, glorious sleep.

When the fever hits all thought of yay is erased as we fight to control the fever now the guilt sets in how could I have been pleased in the first place.

Oh come on moms we have all known our moments honesty is the best policy spit it out.


Seems I have a contortionist for a son, “Mom look I can do the knot”.   After ten minutes his arms were in knots while the rope was completely straight.  So mom has a go and she could neither knot her arms or the rope so we pass it on to dad.  Dad after sometime figures it out we think but we can’t seem to agree if it is the right knot or not.

We have been over all the potential questions a million times and heard all about the sailing of the day twenty times but we are just as excited and so we listen five more times.  Finally the light gets turned off and we are ready to sleep.  “mom mom when is it 9h00”.  Needless to say that it wasn’t for another 2 and a half hours but we were all awake ready for the day ahead.

Quiz is done, and  fnally they are out the door to the boats, Fabio is first in line to get the boat, carrying sails, masts, dagaboards ropes and anything else needed to sail.  

Nice easy day for mom as they are going to capsize but that will be done with the instructor on board and there while there is fear there is excitement to get it over with.   Noting that my boy can float with a life jacket on but not yet swim he is ready for the capsize and he does it and survives.

On the third day there is excitement and nerves as now they will be sailing solo the instructor in the water and one on a boat watching them go up and down.  Again the boy aces the tacks and does an amazing sail after a few errors.  Pride wells up as he goes out again despite the wind getting a little more hectic.  That wasn’t so bad only one child capsizes and one child cries about thorns on the side of the vlei.

Final day and they are actually going to be sailing not just tacking up and down.  As he gets into the water and finally attaches the rudder a call is made to get out there isn’t enough wind?  Crestfallen he gets out with the instructor almost tearing up as she sees his disappointment.  But within half an hour a nice steady wind is up and about and the sailors are again ready to sail.

He can’t wait he is eagerly jumping up and down “is it my turn is my turn” and finally he is allowed into the water but oops his sail is to big so he has to get a smaller sail much to his disgust but he is obedient.  I am happily shooting all of this from shore happy that he is coping and doing a great job when he turtles.  He is just floating around and around with the boat upside down while every child is screaming “capsize capsize” and wouldn’t surprise me I also screamed it.  Relief the safety boat arrives at his side.

“come on Fabio use your dagaboard you know what to do.”  By this time I want to swim out to him because he can’t swim remember he can float but not swim he is tiny the boat is heavy.  With my heart screaming get the boy out I turn and walk away leaving the instructors to get him going.  Boat is right way up and he is bailing, but the boat is swirling around in a circle as he doesn’t have the co-ordination to do it all together.  Finally he gets some help with the instructor steadying the boat.  Relief now that he is on the boat all safe now they help him seriously.  Thank you  Axel for showing total confidence in my boy when mine failed.

“Luke come make waves for me please”.   The wind is now pretty rough most the kids are off the water and my child is calling for more action please.  Luke driving the safety boat obliges and makes some small wakes, while mom wants to knock him over the head and say “what on earth are you crazy”.  My son starts spinning out of control and none of the instructors are offering any instruction just carefully watching his reaction.  By now I am ready to swim to him and rescue him myself when he suddenly realises he is about to capsize and he jumps into action. Floundering alone certainly woke him up to the fact he had to act and think.  

My heart was left on the shore as I walked away not because it was now pulped jelly which had seeped through my toes but because it had swollen with pride.  

In 4 days I have seen my son turn from being co-dependent making rash decisions to suit his immediate needs forgetting about the future to thinking about his decisions.  He is now confident thinks about consequences and acts a lot more responsibly.  He has learnt to be a team player and help others whenever he can.  

I want to tell you that the team of instructors we have at Mac are amazing.  Axel is tough, with don’t tell me what you can’t do show me what you can do.  Dianna is the softy who sympathises with the kids to a certain point bringing in a little softness to the training, but not butter soft.  Luke is one who encourages them to push themselves harder without them even realising that they are doing it by bringing in the element of fun.  Fabritzio was amazing in that while he took a more reserved approach knew every child’s capability and what they were up to.  Sadly I missed the name of the other coach who enjoyed bailing the kids out when necessary and maybe a little to easily.  

Axel the toughie was Fabio’s main coach for the first two days and while he thought he had been tough on Fabs, when I asked Fabs he casually responded with “No he was just teaching me to do it right.”

I can’t explain my pride and most of all gratitude to our coaches from Milnerton Aquatic Club for the sterling job they do with our new optimists.  I can now fully understand why moms are not allowed to be at the course.  I was allowed on one condition I would not interfere in anyway and would allow the instructors to do their job the only thing I could do was take photos.  Somehow I must have succeeded because I wasn’t banned thanks Axel.   Thanks guys for showing me how to let go a little and let him do it.img-20161006-wa0006

to the man sho grew up

A few years ago how different life was it was filled with loneliness and a lot of alcohol.

I was not one that enjoyed drinking due to the fact that my parents were alcoholics and I was afraid of it.

My husband was drinking heavily a litre of brandy in a Friday evening. If there was any left in the morning he would rise around 4am and polish it so by the time I woke up he would be passed out or nearly.

Waking we would head for the shops and he would buy another bottle for a repeat episode of Friday night. Finishing the bottle and maybe buying a smaller bottle for the afternoon.

A few times he had decided to give it up but always lost the battle against alcohol.

Then 3 years ago the he stopped cold no more alcohol and how life has changed.

Rick I am incredibly proud of how you have grown up. You have turned into an awesome Father and a wonderful husband.

Your maturity has grown and you see to your family. Weekends are filled with playing in the sand with your son to watching movies as a family. Church on Sundays and ensuring we are fed and all is paid.

You are one amazing man and I love you so much. Daily I thank God for the wonderful man he gave me.

memories of a miilion years ago

A time that seems like a million years ago but part of my childhood forgotten buried deep within.

A time where fear ruled my life, fear of leaving my grandparents to live with my mom so far far away. Fear of leaving my brother, father and all that I ever knew. Fear of starting school in a new place having to make friends all over again.

Arriving things were wonderful my room was cosy and pretty and with my things placed around it kinda felt like home. My two step sisters and step brother were nice to me and catered to my every need.

Then the fear set in again, the teacher hated me and often I would be locked in the class for no reason. If I worked slowly I was a dummy who couldn’t keep up if I worked quickly I was an idiot who couldn’t concentrate.

When a teacher dislikes you it seems the class do the same and so as a result no one wanted to be my friend. Or maybe I was so hurt scared and insecure I didn’t let them like me. I was 6 so I can’t quiet remember I just know I was not liked and was lonely.

When my mom and her hub fought it was my fault and I was gonna be locked in chains. I was made to believe I was the reason they fought and no it wasn’t my thoughts I was told out right.

I feared going to school in the morning my moms hub would drop me off and was horrible to me. Then he would give me 5c for lunch and his son would get 50c. I feared going to class for fear of what I would get wrong that day.

I was afraid of going home for fear of the fights I caused and would delay it. Then I would be in trouble for not getting home on time.

Then the night came he beat her up and she fled leaving me alone with what I would almost class as the adams family. The next day he held me hostage and I was made to jumo out the window into the cops hands.

I remember going to my cousins home and how safe things were there. Laughter and love were so good to hear and have. Then the dreaded day he appeared at the gate I froze like a dear caught in the headlights.

My cousins daughter grabbed my hand and dragged me to under her moms dressing table built into the wall and pulled the stool in front of us. “If he comes near you we will scramble into the top of the cupboard and hide.”

I couldn’t climb never mind scramble and so I sat there trembling and shaking. He found as and coaxed me out with gifts and saying he was sorry. He said my mom would only come back if I agreed to. So I reluctantly agreed and back home we went.

Life was sweet for about a week and all hell broke loose. He grabbed her held her down and let his two daughters beat her. She managed to get loose and ran to my room where we locked ourselves in for the night.

I remember trembling in my moms arms the ones that should have comforted me made me tremble with fear. The next day we somehow in a blurr got out.

Then I was being sent back to my grandparents.

The thing I will never forget is my cousin sitting under the dressing table with me telling me its gonna be ok. She was 2yrs older than me yet she was more a comfort than any adult.
I never saw her again and yet I will never forget how good she made me feel.

She is in trouble or had been and I wasn’t there for her seems I have some work to do in making it up. It was as I sat remembering her all these memories and more flooded back and suddenly I was able to release a lot of the stuff and let it go.

Thanks again cous you are amazing even if you don’t know it.

battle beyond

The tantrums have escalated and the time extended with no consolation prize in between. Its his way or no way.

One of the ways in dealing with tantrums is first time he has a tantrum about something like driving the car into the garage he is no longer allowed that privilege.

But then there are other once off issues and so we had one of those tonight. We wanted to make pancakes and he loves doing that on a Friday evening. I was going out and had limited time and wanted o start dinner early. He wanted to watch his new dvd now. We explained if he did we wouldn’t be able to make pancakes. Instant gratification won and he watched the dvd.

After he began whinning about making pancakes. I said no upon him carrying on I put him in his room to cry about it. He threw things shouted screamed calmed came out. Looked at me and began again same shouting, nagging crying. Back to the room he went kicking and screaming but careful not to kick me else his behind would be stinging.

This went on and on for about and hour at least. My hub was like “please let me make pancakes with him” I stuck to my guns making him stick to his deal of watching the dvd.

He has to learn one way or the other there are consequences to his decisions. My heart was breaking seeing my child sobbing so hard but I had to be tough. I promised we could have pancakes for breakfast. That wasn’t acceptable and the performance continued with hun now pleading on his behalf.

I then threatened if he didn’t stop we would never again make pancakes in this house. It is sold and we moving in two months time lol. This jolted him but not enough to stop. I thought he was going to go to sleep performing.

Suddenly he saw me getting dressed ignoring him and he came and hugged me and said “sorry mom, tomorrow is fine to make pancakes ”

We spent a lovely 10 minutes reading a book together laughing and chatting.

One up for mom. Gracious me I was a tough cookie tonight and I never raised my voice once.