My blessing for Christmas

So over the last two years Christmas and birthdays have been tough for my son.

His Christmas list is small but it’s not known if it can be filled or not.

Anyway I tell him of a story of a child of 4 not getting Christmas who lives tip up trucks and graders.

Quickly he says so I got some he must have. Really how more blessed can a mother be.



A little guy launches his boat and sets off sailing to venture out for his first solo regatta. The fact that he is a junior, racing against intermediates who are also older than him makes no difference he is going to try.

In fact he thought he was racing against adult qualified skippers.

The starting block is a challenge staying within the block not crashing into anyone ensuring you stay in front is probably going to be his biggest challenge.

He is also a little tiered having spent all morning as a bailer on a mirror but he is super excited to race. In fact that he spent the day on rheumatoid water is surprising to say the least.

“I am not sailing today, I am cold.” That was that he was determined he was not sailing for training. Then he was convinced to crew on the mirror which he grumpily agreed to. Once on he didn’t want to get off. Despite being bailer he enjoyed it so much.

Then uncle Dave asked if he was racing and bailing was forgotten as he excitedly ran in to get his boat sail and rudder to rig. A mad flurry ensued only to realise skippers briefing was an hour away.

It is strange to realise he is a skipper despite not having his licence and him being so young. So I am proud of him indeed.

So he crashed a few times in the starting block; he didn’t get into first position but he stayed within the block that in itself was a great achievement.

They were away he placed 5th in the first race which was 3rd last but he beat some seniors that’s got to count for something, right? Next race starts and as they round the return bouy he comes to a screaming halt can’t move.

This doesn’t happen at shore but way way across the vlei where he is but a tiny speck almost. OK ok not quiet but I am the mom and storyteller so yes he was a solo speck struggling to get back to the finish.

Another child may have freaked being out there alone but no he kept his cool and persevered.

Safety boat goes out he has an air bubble in his sail and having no experience he doesn’t know this. Uncle Henry motors out to him and helps him through it. This is his biggest learning curve in sailing yet.

He could’ve given up and not crossed the finish line being so far behind the others who have already started a new race. Nope the rule is you have to finish the race and he honours that. Man he has tenacity and staying power.

So if I am proud of my 7 year old excuse me but I am one proud mama bear.


Goodness me what feels like yesterday is actually seven years ago,  i gave birth to my monkey.   I know i haven’t updated this post for ages and thought perhaps it is time.


Today he awoke with much enthusiasm way before the alarm went off.   The delight on his face upon receiving a Fireman suit was priceless.   He wore it to school as he was allowed to wear civies for birthday.

Surely it was seven days ago he was born definitely not seven years ago.   I clearly remember the his dad placing him in my arms.  He had been my greatest gift ever.


I have begun serving God once again.   Not an easy journey but one i love.












self charged GUILTY

Wow written and rewritten so many times cause I couldn’t get wordpress to work. Maybe I should just give up na here goes.

I am so sick aching head body nails hair the works and so is hubby. My toddler is needing to play run jump and be a typical three year old help.

Suddenly he gets quiet and I can see he isn’t well. Secretly my heart flips yay now we can rest together, watch a movie color and best of all sleep, glorious sleep.

When the fever hits all thought of yay is erased as we fight to control the fever now the guilt sets in how could I have been pleased in the first place.

Oh come on moms we have all known our moments honesty is the best policy spit it out.


Seems I have a contortionist for a son, “Mom look I can do the knot”.   After ten minutes his arms were in knots while the rope was completely straight.  So mom has a go and she could neither knot her arms or the rope so we pass it on to dad.  Dad after sometime figures it out we think but we can’t seem to agree if it is the right knot or not.

We have been over all the potential questions a million times and heard all about the sailing of the day twenty times but we are just as excited and so we listen five more times.  Finally the light gets turned off and we are ready to sleep.  “mom mom when is it 9h00”.  Needless to say that it wasn’t for another 2 and a half hours but we were all awake ready for the day ahead.

Quiz is done, and  fnally they are out the door to the boats, Fabio is first in line to get the boat, carrying sails, masts, dagaboards ropes and anything else needed to sail.  

Nice easy day for mom as they are going to capsize but that will be done with the instructor on board and there while there is fear there is excitement to get it over with.   Noting that my boy can float with a life jacket on but not yet swim he is ready for the capsize and he does it and survives.

On the third day there is excitement and nerves as now they will be sailing solo the instructor in the water and one on a boat watching them go up and down.  Again the boy aces the tacks and does an amazing sail after a few errors.  Pride wells up as he goes out again despite the wind getting a little more hectic.  That wasn’t so bad only one child capsizes and one child cries about thorns on the side of the vlei.

Final day and they are actually going to be sailing not just tacking up and down.  As he gets into the water and finally attaches the rudder a call is made to get out there isn’t enough wind?  Crestfallen he gets out with the instructor almost tearing up as she sees his disappointment.  But within half an hour a nice steady wind is up and about and the sailors are again ready to sail.

He can’t wait he is eagerly jumping up and down “is it my turn is my turn” and finally he is allowed into the water but oops his sail is to big so he has to get a smaller sail much to his disgust but he is obedient.  I am happily shooting all of this from shore happy that he is coping and doing a great job when he turtles.  He is just floating around and around with the boat upside down while every child is screaming “capsize capsize” and wouldn’t surprise me I also screamed it.  Relief the safety boat arrives at his side.

“come on Fabio use your dagaboard you know what to do.”  By this time I want to swim out to him because he can’t swim remember he can float but not swim he is tiny the boat is heavy.  With my heart screaming get the boy out I turn and walk away leaving the instructors to get him going.  Boat is right way up and he is bailing, but the boat is swirling around in a circle as he doesn’t have the co-ordination to do it all together.  Finally he gets some help with the instructor steadying the boat.  Relief now that he is on the boat all safe now they help him seriously.  Thank you  Axel for showing total confidence in my boy when mine failed.

“Luke come make waves for me please”.   The wind is now pretty rough most the kids are off the water and my child is calling for more action please.  Luke driving the safety boat obliges and makes some small wakes, while mom wants to knock him over the head and say “what on earth are you crazy”.  My son starts spinning out of control and none of the instructors are offering any instruction just carefully watching his reaction.  By now I am ready to swim to him and rescue him myself when he suddenly realises he is about to capsize and he jumps into action. Floundering alone certainly woke him up to the fact he had to act and think.  

My heart was left on the shore as I walked away not because it was now pulped jelly which had seeped through my toes but because it had swollen with pride.  

In 4 days I have seen my son turn from being co-dependent making rash decisions to suit his immediate needs forgetting about the future to thinking about his decisions.  He is now confident thinks about consequences and acts a lot more responsibly.  He has learnt to be a team player and help others whenever he can.  

I want to tell you that the team of instructors we have at Mac are amazing.  Axel is tough, with don’t tell me what you can’t do show me what you can do.  Dianna is the softy who sympathises with the kids to a certain point bringing in a little softness to the training, but not butter soft.  Luke is one who encourages them to push themselves harder without them even realising that they are doing it by bringing in the element of fun.  Fabritzio was amazing in that while he took a more reserved approach knew every child’s capability and what they were up to.  Sadly I missed the name of the other coach who enjoyed bailing the kids out when necessary and maybe a little to easily.  

Axel the toughie was Fabio’s main coach for the first two days and while he thought he had been tough on Fabs, when I asked Fabs he casually responded with “No he was just teaching me to do it right.”

I can’t explain my pride and most of all gratitude to our coaches from Milnerton Aquatic Club for the sterling job they do with our new optimists.  I can now fully understand why moms are not allowed to be at the course.  I was allowed on one condition I would not interfere in anyway and would allow the instructors to do their job the only thing I could do was take photos.  Somehow I must have succeeded because I wasn’t banned thanks Axel.   Thanks guys for showing me how to let go a little and let him do it.img-20161006-wa0006

to the man sho grew up

A few years ago how different life was it was filled with loneliness and a lot of alcohol.

I was not one that enjoyed drinking due to the fact that my parents were alcoholics and I was afraid of it.

My husband was drinking heavily a litre of brandy in a Friday evening. If there was any left in the morning he would rise around 4am and polish it so by the time I woke up he would be passed out or nearly.

Waking we would head for the shops and he would buy another bottle for a repeat episode of Friday night. Finishing the bottle and maybe buying a smaller bottle for the afternoon.

A few times he had decided to give it up but always lost the battle against alcohol.

Then 3 years ago the he stopped cold no more alcohol and how life has changed.

Rick I am incredibly proud of how you have grown up. You have turned into an awesome Father and a wonderful husband.

Your maturity has grown and you see to your family. Weekends are filled with playing in the sand with your son to watching movies as a family. Church on Sundays and ensuring we are fed and all is paid.

You are one amazing man and I love you so much. Daily I thank God for the wonderful man he gave me.

memories of a miilion years ago

A time that seems like a million years ago but part of my childhood forgotten buried deep within.

A time where fear ruled my life, fear of leaving my grandparents to live with my mom so far far away. Fear of leaving my brother, father and all that I ever knew. Fear of starting school in a new place having to make friends all over again.

Arriving things were wonderful my room was cosy and pretty and with my things placed around it kinda felt like home. My two step sisters and step brother were nice to me and catered to my every need.

Then the fear set in again, the teacher hated me and often I would be locked in the class for no reason. If I worked slowly I was a dummy who couldn’t keep up if I worked quickly I was an idiot who couldn’t concentrate.

When a teacher dislikes you it seems the class do the same and so as a result no one wanted to be my friend. Or maybe I was so hurt scared and insecure I didn’t let them like me. I was 6 so I can’t quiet remember I just know I was not liked and was lonely.

When my mom and her hub fought it was my fault and I was gonna be locked in chains. I was made to believe I was the reason they fought and no it wasn’t my thoughts I was told out right.

I feared going to school in the morning my moms hub would drop me off and was horrible to me. Then he would give me 5c for lunch and his son would get 50c. I feared going to class for fear of what I would get wrong that day.

I was afraid of going home for fear of the fights I caused and would delay it. Then I would be in trouble for not getting home on time.

Then the night came he beat her up and she fled leaving me alone with what I would almost class as the adams family. The next day he held me hostage and I was made to jumo out the window into the cops hands.

I remember going to my cousins home and how safe things were there. Laughter and love were so good to hear and have. Then the dreaded day he appeared at the gate I froze like a dear caught in the headlights.

My cousins daughter grabbed my hand and dragged me to under her moms dressing table built into the wall and pulled the stool in front of us. “If he comes near you we will scramble into the top of the cupboard and hide.”

I couldn’t climb never mind scramble and so I sat there trembling and shaking. He found as and coaxed me out with gifts and saying he was sorry. He said my mom would only come back if I agreed to. So I reluctantly agreed and back home we went.

Life was sweet for about a week and all hell broke loose. He grabbed her held her down and let his two daughters beat her. She managed to get loose and ran to my room where we locked ourselves in for the night.

I remember trembling in my moms arms the ones that should have comforted me made me tremble with fear. The next day we somehow in a blurr got out.

Then I was being sent back to my grandparents.

The thing I will never forget is my cousin sitting under the dressing table with me telling me its gonna be ok. She was 2yrs older than me yet she was more a comfort than any adult.
I never saw her again and yet I will never forget how good she made me feel.

She is in trouble or had been and I wasn’t there for her seems I have some work to do in making it up. It was as I sat remembering her all these memories and more flooded back and suddenly I was able to release a lot of the stuff and let it go.

Thanks again cous you are amazing even if you don’t know it.