oh dear like dad an mom

Now I am the type of person I love people around and then I want quiet and my space. My hub could easily live on an island with our son and myself with a once in 6yr visit from family.

My son seems to be stuck in the middle of these. He loves people but wants his space to himself. So last night after having all his cousins over he comes to us and says I am zum (finished) to play can hey go home now.

Well we never told anyone lol but it was funny to us. But shortly thereafter hub told everyone to leave lol so we all won in the end.

At least our son can mix with others even if its for short periods of time only

one year sobriety

This goes out to my amazing hubby who today is one year sober and for that I thank him for he has improved the quality of his families lives.

It was not a proud time for me either I did my hub wrong. For that I am deeply ashamed and sorry for it caused great hurt. It was just befriending another guy. Nothing ever happened but it wasn’t right. I shouldve turned to my hubby not away from him.

I could make a hundred excuses but what kind of apology would that be, it would be more justification.

However back to my hubby, most weekends he would be drunk and passed out and he believed this was living. Well he turned all that around and now lives for us his family and we reciprocate that.

I would just like to say to a wonderful man thank you darling buggy bear for turning us from people living together to a family. Without your love and commitment we could’ve been on a diff path. I am grateful to you for so much and sorry my darling I nearly caused the end for us.

How could we both have jeopardised our family chasing our own pleasures when we should have been building and twining our lives together.

Thank you for taking charge and turning our family around and standing up in your rightful place as man and hubby of our family.

I can’t tell you how grateful I am for that and for the opportunity to continue a life with both the guys that mean the world to me

very teritorial and claiming ownership

Well my monkey is at that age where he is claiming his space his routine his independance and a whole lot more.

Not only is he claiming all this for himself but he is realising that others also have prized or necessary possessions like food, chairs, bed space (yes bed space not beds).

Even the dogs have space things have places and the list goes on and he likes things to be in their place. Secretly I think its cause I am so messy he over compensates with his forever cleaning and tidying up. Oh dear.

So Piccolo (pililo) has gracefully passed on. “Mom I am cross”. “Why”. “Shinga is zuming (finishing) Pililo’s special food.” I just hugged him and said its fine pilolo doesn’t need it anymore.

Sigh best I stop with the warbling and help him tidy up.

now he knows

This morning I told my monkey we had lost a very good doggy. He just asked why things die and we explained same thing over an over and now he is fine.

He helped us dig a hole and bury our faithful friend. He is just at the age where death is part of what he needs to discover. He knows my and hubs dads died and now his pet died.

Ok I thought he was over it but we still on about who or who couldn’t die but I feel its right for him.

That is life and to me and reality is a good thing. We have fantasy creatures and loads of fantasy play but reality needs to be there to.

I never forget not being allowed to at the age of 8 attend my stepmothers funeral. To this day I feel sad no one taught me that living things die and what happens to the body.

Sorry I am so sombre today but this little doggy ruled my heart. At he age of 3 months he nearly died and has been sickly but happy so 12yrs later I seriously am sad for him.

Now my girl is showing signs of being blind and is falling down the stairs and randomly bumping into things and growling and snapping at the wrong people. So sadness rules my house at needing to have her put down as well.
My boy had been eager for a new dog for a while not understanding we will one day loose them like we did wow old ones.

doggy’s gone

My monkey loves his dogs but he can be a little rough with them. Tonight he sat down with piccolo the sausage and loved him for a while. This is out of character he will ruffle them and trip over them but never this type of loving.

The dog had been sick but at times he coughed from allergy and a change of diet and some antihistamines worked wonders so I did this and he was responding well or so I thought the coughing had eased and he had a bounce and wag in his tail.

Then last night the coughing started in ernest and I tried antihistamine but alas it didn’t work. This morning I was going to take him to the vet if he wasn’t better.

He went outside and all was still, hubby went out and found him dead. I sobbed and sobbed so hysterically it felt as if my heart was going to break. My piccolo and I had been through so much I am devastated. I feel so awful I should have taken him to the vet.

I am now numb and sad he died alone. I nearly lost him as a pup and brought him back from the throws of death and now in his older years I let him die outside alone.

He was such a lovely dog beside being sickly he never bothered us and had brought us great joy all these years. Now his blanket lays empty I will remove it from my room I can’t bear to look at it empty.

Piccolo my baby dog you will be missed and mom loves you.

Now I have to explain it to my boy when he wakes. I believe in honesty about death I won’t lie to him. He needs to be able to deal with the sadness of it. I am a realist and he dealt with the loss of our cat he will be fine with this to

thank u dad

I would like to thank my darling husband for creating such an awesome birthday cake. It was a stunning piece of art. It tasted even better and your son loved his train cake.

Thank you wonderful man for all the effort you put into making our monkeys birthday a great one.

As for the bunny chow wow those were great to.

I so love my amazing hubby

hubbies creation

so he is 3

“Good morning baby, whose birthday is today”. Smiling ear to ear “mine,” with kisses all round.

“Look what we got you” we say pointing to the big red present sitting waiting to be opened. Quickly he dives off the bed to go see his present, rips it open and while still opening it says “its a bike, oh thank you for my bike, thank you for my bike”. Over and over he keeps thanking us.

Putting the bike together is a little harder than anticipated and for a little guy he sure showed restraint. The wheel connection to the handle bars was a little bent but thankfully fixable. The peddle looked as if the thread was striped and we thought we would have to return it. Thankfully it finally fitted in.

I was washing my hair over the bath and he came into the bathroom, “thank you morm for my bike”. Looking at me he says “but I want to kiss you morm”. He had been kissing dad over and over it was so sweet.

Getting back to the room he asked and “and so morm where’s more”. “You will get later baby when mom gets home”. He was happy with that and turned back to his bike.

I got to work all sad not being with my boy to find we had a power failure and so I could’ve stayed home. How irritating but at least at 3 we were allowed to leave.

I helped set up for the dinner we were having for him in between giving him his other small insignificant gifts which he appreciated so much. A toddler really wants a mountain of presents rather than one big one.

Dad made a beautiful train cake for him it was stunning. But from the time he started until after dinner all we heard was can we have cake now can we have cake now.

After opening another mountain of gifts from everyone the people had cake and left. We had a happy and tiered monkey “is my birthday finished now he kept asking”.

But he was on a high and getting him changed and into bed was proving to be a little bit of a mission. He wanted to play with his new toys then watch a movie to which I had to say no.

Finally to dreamland he drifted giving an exhausted and happy mom and dad a chance to follow him to dreamland.

Sleep well monkey dream of your birthday and all the presents. Sigh all the hype is now over till christmas.

my boy

There were days and hell even weeks where I thought I would never ever be a mom. I would cry at God plead with him beg him for my baby he had promised me.

Deep in my heart though I always knew I would have my boy. I would say to hubby when we have kids….. He admitted he had given up and thought me batty talking about a child we may never have.

its something I feel so deep but yet can’t seem to express in the way I want to. Obviously the waiting period pain is over and now all I can feel is the joy of actually holding and watching my son.

Yip that’s it I think the pain and frustration has left the building

u sure 3yrs ago?

Three years ago today I was packing a bag for my monkey and me. He was about to make his entrance into the world and I was about to birth a boob attachment which would move to the hip. (I wish I could say monkey moved to the hip only but seems boobs joined him in sitting there lol. Thank goodness for slings)

Goodness me I have more butterflies today than back then what’s up with that. Of course I was nervous I re packed the bag at least 5 times if not more. I cried because now I had to share him with the world he was no longer totally mine growing in me.

Sleep they said I must sleep and rest as much as possible. But that’s not possible because that’s the only thought running through my head.

Crying laughing incessant talking was the dawn of the birthing day ever going to break. Now three years later his birthday seems to be eluding me like its never going to arrive.

Sigh I know I know its two sleeps but still

presents under wrap

Friday come on Friday oh when will Friday arrive. I don’t know who is more excited me my hubby or my soon to be 3yr old.

I can’t contain my excitement present giving to me is the most exciting thing in the world. I love to receive but to give brings me ultimate joy.

Having bought his presents 3 weeks in advance hasn’t helped either. Everyday I find a reason for him to have one or other of them but I control myself and I have made it well almost.

Ok ok you got me, his spade broke so we gave him the one for his “birthday” early. Lol I just can’t keep gifts under wrap I need to give them out. Obviously its the child in me.