battle beyond

The tantrums have escalated and the time extended with no consolation prize in between. Its his way or no way.

One of the ways in dealing with tantrums is first time he has a tantrum about something like driving the car into the garage he is no longer allowed that privilege.

But then there are other once off issues and so we had one of those tonight. We wanted to make pancakes and he loves doing that on a Friday evening. I was going out and had limited time and wanted o start dinner early. He wanted to watch his new dvd now. We explained if he did we wouldn’t be able to make pancakes. Instant gratification won and he watched the dvd.

After he began whinning about making pancakes. I said no upon him carrying on I put him in his room to cry about it. He threw things shouted screamed calmed came out. Looked at me and began again same shouting, nagging crying. Back to the room he went kicking and screaming but careful not to kick me else his behind would be stinging.

This went on and on for about and hour at least. My hub was like “please let me make pancakes with him” I stuck to my guns making him stick to his deal of watching the dvd.

He has to learn one way or the other there are consequences to his decisions. My heart was breaking seeing my child sobbing so hard but I had to be tough. I promised we could have pancakes for breakfast. That wasn’t acceptable and the performance continued with hun now pleading on his behalf.

I then threatened if he didn’t stop we would never again make pancakes in this house. It is sold and we moving in two months time lol. This jolted him but not enough to stop. I thought he was going to go to sleep performing.

Suddenly he saw me getting dressed ignoring him and he came and hugged me and said “sorry mom, tomorrow is fine to make pancakes ”

We spent a lovely 10 minutes reading a book together laughing and chatting.

One up for mom. Gracious me I was a tough cookie tonight and I never raised my voice once.

blessings

It would seem that blessings go around far greater than one could possibly imagine.

Now please don’t tell me God the Father doesn’t exist because as surely as I breath I know he does. I have been unemployed for almost a year and Hub for just over 6 months. Not once have we gone to bed hungry, cold or in the dark well not due to unpaid electricity bill.

God has provided us with enough daily food to keep us going in that time to even reach out and bless others with it. Daily I am amazed at Gods hand in our lives and feel so blessed to be in Gods favour.

We have managed to provide people with a much needed computer, food, cloths and even a little cash here and there.

Can I out give God apparently not for the more I am willing to bless others the more he pours out on us. Is it because I am special or holy no I doubt that. I really believe the principal is simple God sees what we do with the little we get and so knows he can trust us with more.

My biggest three blessings of late.

1. Our car broke down wouldn’t start and sounded as if it would explode. So we pray and send it in for repairs hoping its nothing major for our bank account was in serious trouble. Well together with the tow and repairs just under a R1 000. Being half of what was sitting in the bank we draw it and pay to get our car back. Relief we could cover it but nervous now the account was seriously looking sad.

I get a facebook message from Frikkie Venter whom I have never met just facebook friends. He had blessed us before and he says to me I was in the shower and God told me to put R1000,00 in your bank account. Not sure what it will cover and what its for but that’s what he told me to do.

Tears and tears flowed so bad I could hardly speak to tell hub as I replied to Frikkie.

2. Son has grown and needs new cloths so I just casually mention it to God that we are needing a few things. Two days later a friend messages me she has cleaned her sons wardrobe would I mind if she passed the things on to my son. An entire winter wardrobe arrived including shoes and a good number of items for his coming summer wardrobe.

3. Bank account I had, thought it was closed and dead due to lack of use and probably I owed it money. Well anyway I go to reactivate it cause I may soon need it and in there is a R1 000. We were down to like R200 till when I have no idea.

We faithfully and consistently tithe on all monies received and maybe this is the return or maybe its because we have open hearts to bless others. Whichever way I am not going to stop blessing others that’s for sure.

To God be the glory Jesus you are faithful when bringing us to the father thank you.

flipped lid

For a while now my son and I have been discussing when moms head flips. Meaning I loose it and go ape because he isn’t listening. Its been a bit of a joke.

Reality hit me like a brick tho yesterday morning where over a pair of scissors I lost all control.

In honesty it was the scissors at all.

“Mom I need scissors to cut”. “No you already lost 2 pairs outside no.” “But mom I want to cut” moan cry perform and loads of promises of looking after them I finally out of desperation allow him and cookaloo to take them.

Everyone is happy, mom is relieved no more nagging and crying son is happy he got his way all is fine.

Come morning and we want to now do our craft guess what no scissors. Moms lid flips all contents fall out flames leaping consuming all brain matter leaving a little pile with a single smoke tendril twirling out.

No it wasn’t about the scissors it was being angry at myself. If I want to avoid flipping my lid I need to find a better way of dealing with the nagging and temper tantrums other than just giving in and allowing him to have his way.

Believe me I try removing privileges,I try a good whack to the rear end. Yes yes bad mom I smack my kid. I try time out which just makes things worse.

But this last lid flip was the worst I have ever had, afterwards I felt disorientated, breathless, relief and worst of all a major headache feeling as if I was looking at the world through a box. I could see everything but if felt as if I couldn’t see below my bottom eyelids and as if I couldn’t see to the left or right I could only see what was in front of me.

I was in tears most the day and couldn’t concentrate on a single thing not even my son. He tried the whole day to make contact and I just couldn’t. I couldn’t connect with him finally round 7h30 he came to me with his precious bunny and asked if I would like to hold her for a bit.

it was the trigger I needed, I scooped him and bunny into my lap and asked if I could maybe hold both of them rather. He settled down quickly and we laughed and spoke before bedtime.

I realised that I had been strong for my family for nearly a year and while I had seen hub plummet in and out of depression I had stayed strong I had been the rock.

Now that finally house has an offer to purchase and we are beginning to see the light I tumbled off the edge and let my lid flip. I shook my husband because in all the years he has never seen me like that before ever.

I don’t do depression and feel sorry for me and disconnect, I am a plugged in tough handle the situation kinda girl. Falling apart doesn’t happen to me ever.

So after getting to hold and cuddle son and bunny the healing magic happened and I am alive back and ready to face the demons of having to move.

Moving is my worst nightmare and having to move towns 5kms away rattles my brain. Thinking about 1800km flips my lid rattles my toes and curls my fingers but I know I can do it cause I have God, my hub, son and of course bunny to get me through it all.