where?

I find myself looking down at my boy and wondering. Who is he where is my baby.

I see him running along at the zoo and watch him in amazement wasn’t he just in the pram but yesterday helpless and so needing of mom.

I watch him throwing a fit because he wants to push his own trolley and I wonder where is the boy I used to push in my trolley.

I look at him and realise he has grown because we can now put a basket in the top shelf of the basket trolley and he can now see over the top.

I watch my boy eating anything and everything and wonder where is the baby that suckled at my breast for nourishment

I listen to my boy asking for the things he wants and wonder where is the baby that cried to indicate a need.

I now have to walk around to find a toilet when my boy needs to go and wonder where is the boy that let it go in his nappy.

My biggest amazement tough is as I look at my boy and realise how much I love him that slams into me harder than anything.

I have never loved anyone in my life with such abandon. I love yes but never to the point of if they leave me I will be devastated.

When I find myself loving my son with such abandon I realise that I love my husband just as much. The first time I realised that I got such a fright. I have always loved him but not to this point.

Where is my carefully contrsucted wall that shields me from loving people. What happened to who tore it down. Suddenly I have learnt to love and now I am vulnerable.

My dream of one day having a true family has been fulfilled whoo hoo.

The most amazing part of the journey though has been the smashing of my wall. Giving me the freedom to really love people and see them for who they are and not what I want them to be.

Thank you my money for the greatest gift of all I love u.

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