comprehending

I have had these jello type balls in a bottle for 5 years or so. They start as tiny little hard balls and you add water they grow to about the size of a marble.

They are for decoration or you can actually grow plants in them. Mine was for decoration and I have never let monkey play with them for fear of him eating them.

So today he was a bit cranky due to having an upset tummy yet again. I had to bath him as he had been covered in poo. I decided to cheer him up and let him play with the balls. I opened the bottle and poured them out for him into a plastic tray.

For about twenty minutes he just muddled his fingers through them ad enjoyed the squishy feel. Then suddenly he asked “mom why did you let me play with the balls?”

Over and over he asked in amazement because never before would I allow him to. He was delighted but a little put out because the rule was don’t touch and I had changed the rule all of a sudden. He isn’t comfortable with rule changes and routine changes, he doesn’t handle those things to well.

When he was little and his tiny fingers could fit in the overflow drain on the bath I told him not to put his fingers in their. I said that gogo’s lived in their and would bite his fingers.

Well he jumped out the bath and refused to get back in. I told him finally his dad had taken them out. To this day and its about 3 years later he still wants to know what gogos where in their and how dad got them out. No matter how many times or how I explain there were never any in there to start with.

Sigh I will have to be more careful when telling him things. He can’t deal with change.

parenting

Well after looking at my past parenting my style of parenting and change of style I am not sure which one to follow.

I loved my dads style of parenting, where you had a few rules:
1. Either be bathed or in the bath by 5pm
2. Home needed to be done before bath time and checked after dinner.
3. Don’t lie, never lie no matter what else the trouble would be sever if caught out.
4. 8pm strict bed time.
5. If you following the above rules life will be good and you can pretty much live your life as you see fit.
6. You have a problem find a way to deal with it I am not your problem solver.

I would love to give monkey that freedom but getting himself to school and back each day is to dangerous so I will see to that.

He can’t go out the gate without supervision till he is 18 are you crazy life is scary. I used to be at my friends house after school till the 5pm deadline. Homework done under my friends mom’s supervision.

I try and let him play freely and keep an eye on him but his choices aren’t yet as wise as mine were. I remember at age 4 playing in the street with my neighbourhood kids. Going to the park down the road and being out till the 5pm curfew.

I can’t ever remember being entertained by an adult. In fact they were indoors where kids were not allowed and we were outside doing what kids do.

In fact looking back at my childhood how I grew up so wise and able to contribute to society boggles my brain. I had no guidance leadership discipline besides the few rules and yet I made it.

If I leave my monkey to his own devices chaos reigns. I seemed to be a good girl who obeyed rules. The most serious trouble I can remember was taking a bunch of keys to play with and loosing them.

Oh and getting a hiding for screaming and who caused that non other than my bro.

Ha ha ha ha ok I got a hiding from my dad and weed on his hand I got such a fright. I can’t remember the offence just know it was the last hiding as well due to that.

I did know how to hide mischief though. I bunked school all of once and managed to keep it from my dad and bro and teachers. Even from my friends mom who on that day for some reason decided to fetch us from school.

We concocted a story to their mom and she believed it.

Sigh why can’t my monkey be more like me.

parenting

Well after looking at my past parenting my style of parenting and change of style I am not sure which one to follow.

I loved my dads style of parenting, where you had a few rules:
1. Either be bathed or in the bath by 5pm
2. Home needed to be done before bath time and checked after dinner.
3. Don’t lie, never lie no matter what else the trouble would be sever if caught out.
4. 8pm strict bed time.
5. If you following the above rules life will be good and you can pretty much live your life as you see fit.
6. You have a problem find a way to deal with it I am not your problem solver.

I would love to give monkey that freedom but getting himself to school and back each day is to dangerous so I will see to that.

He can’t go out the gate without supervision till he is 18 are you crazy life is scary. I used to be at my friends house after school till the 5pm deadline. Homework done under my friends mom’s supervision.

I try and let him play freely and keep an eye on him but his choices aren’t yet as wise as mine were. I remember at age 4 playing in the street with my neighbourhood kids. Going to the park down the road and being out till the 5pm curfew.

I can’t ever remember being entertained by an adult. In fact they were indoors where kids were not allowed and we were outside doing what kids do.

In fact looking back at my childhood how I grew up so wise and able to contribute to society boggles my brain. I had no guidance leadership discipline besides the few rules and yet I made it.

If I leave my monkey to his own devices chaos reigns. I seemed to be a good girl who obeyed rules. The most serious trouble I can remember was taking a bunch of keys to play with and loosing them.

Oh and getting a hiding for screaming and who caused that non other than my bro.

Ha ha ha ha ok I got a hiding from my dad and weed on his hand I got such a fright. I can’t remember the offence just know it was the last hiding as well due to that.

I did know how to hide mischief though. I bunked school all of once and managed to keep it from my dad and bro and teachers. Even from my friends mom who on that day for some reason decided to fetch us from school.

We concocted a story to their mom and she believed it.

Sigh why can’t my monkey be more like me.

being parentef

This blog comes from a different perspective today its not me and monkey is me and my mom.

My mom walked out on us kids when I was a year old. Back an forth between parents and grandparents we were tossed like tennis balls never touching the ground.

Till finally my dad took charge and took us away from one mess and landed us in another set of messes but he meant well and tried to create stability. I have written about both parents before.

Ok while I portrayed my mom as an ogre I have to humbly concede that while she has been one I haven’t exactly been a saint. In fact I probably have been an exceedingly bad daughter.

I treat her badly and try and hurt her as much as possible to make her pay for the hurt she has caused and continues to cause me. If truth be told she has been made to repay the hurt 50 times over if not more.

Yes she keeps inflicting wounds and opening stuff I thought had healed. So down on my knees praying to God why can’t I forgive her and move on. God listens to my whining for awhile and says my child why is it always about you and your needs.

“Huh” that cut out a huge chunk of hurt zipped up a mountain of scars and put huge cracks in the walls I had built.

But being human I began to argue, but God she is the mother she should have nurtured me not hurt me. How many times do I have to suffer the same hurt over and over. God in his wisdom settled it there and then. “My child how many times do you hurt and anger me yet I forgive you time and time again. Do you think that’s fair.

Humbled and subdued I fall before my father and finally allow him to begin to show me how to heal. Its taken me 47 years to realise how to let it go. Tears, ranting and raving, prayer and more prayer and when I finally listened to the Father it was resolved.

I don’t say, its all over with roses and fireworks and a beautiful love theme in the background with roses and hearts flying through the air but I am softening up.

I am taking it one step at a time, and for the first time in my life I don’t see everything my mother does as a ploy to hurt me but rather as someone who is trying their best to love a hostile child.

What a lot of wasted years but only when we are ready to let go will we be able to move forward.

clean house verses happy child

Well I wrote a post awhile back on my lazy self about how I had a domestic helper as here in South Africa they tend to be affordable. Um no let’s rephrase that exploitable and I am ashamed to say I took advantage.

However the circle is that should I not employ the lady she can’t feed her child and they did live in with me receiving three meals a day.

We however had to let our wonderful worker who became a dear friend to me and a second mother to monkey go. I am no longer employed and so we have had to tighten up.

That leaves me with a sad state of affairs because I now get to clean up after my family and myself. Oh my word we have been a messy lot of pigs how disgusted I feel that someone else had to contend with us.

However that is not the point of my blog although it should be a groveling apology to that wonderful lady who ate our dirt for so long.

My son now still litters an item for every step he takes for as far as he trails through the house. Um yip I still haven’t learnt to put it away instead of leaving it lying around. As for cleaning as I cook whaaaaaat is that how its done? I am a messy cook whose skills in actually cooking is getting better by the day.

So once a meal is done the kitchen is as if a bomb had exploded and let rubble lying there. This takes me time to fix and I get annoyed I was so messy.

Now back to the point of my blog. My monkey stays home wanting me to play with him and not clean. He for the life of him can’t understand why I would want to tidy up a mess and clean the house. I mean he loves as much litter to clutter the floor as possible.

So I leave the clutter for he is surely going to just litter the floor within minutes and we have a great time playing. He has promised to help me clean up, huh that’s a joke he has no idea what clean up is.

His domestic helper/nanny always did it for him and he has no concept of the fact that she has now left and isn’t coming back.

I try hard to clean my house and keep it clean, clutter is one thing but dirt should be gone. So on the days he goes to school I work extra hard to catch up on the days I let the housework slip.

I am a mom who loves my child and he is more important than ridding the house of lived in clutter.

New rules in my house for those of you intending to visit. The dustbunny exterminator’s services have been terminated due to lack of funds. Should the dustbunnies offend yo in anyway please feel free to leave or find the terminator rag under the sink and terminate them for me. Thanking u in advance for your love and suport in keeping these dustbunnies under control. I will try my best to help but when my monkey wants his mom I want to be there for him.

Sigh ok ok you caught me out it is an excuse not to do the house work but you gotta love me for trying

change of parenting style

A trip to our friends small holding was planned and my monkey could hardly contain his excitement. He was going to feed the horses carrots, that was his absolute delight.

So Friday my sis in law was taking a day of work but had some errands to run and so I decided to keep them at home with me

Monkey’s mischief was on top form and if I didn’t constantly have my eye on him he was up to no good. Just being a typical boy looking for something to entertain himself.

Shew the day was done and it was finally time for bath and bed to my relief. Monkey very hesitantly says “morm” in a drawn out mooorm “can I still go to the farm even though I was naughty.”

Well that form of punishment hadn’t entered my head. I was about to say no you can’t go but in all honesty we had promised him a day with the horses with no conditions attached. I just hugged him and said of course.

Well the day arrived we got into the car and off we went to the small holding with cookaloo as well. Horror of horrors on the way there our breaks failed and we almost knocked over a cop who jumped out into the road to stop us. Hub somehow managed to stop and pull over without injuring the cop or letting the cop realise the breaks had failed.

We drove slowly from thereon but slowly the brakes returned.

At the “farm” the kids had a great time playing and doing their thing without being shouted at. Daniela had found a horse shoe which she called a foot print. My friend forgetting the fact she had two city slickers kept using horse terminology to two dumb struck kids.

A hoof, mane what are you talking about. But painting the hooves was the highlight of their day lol. They loved grooming the horses.

So I am grooming Pepperpot and he begins to nibble my fingers playfully. I know that ponies love to do this and its a part of showing affection so I continue to let him nibble. Yeoach what the heck, he decides to show some real love and bites down hard on my finger. I can’t pull it out from his teeth as its kind of jammed in there finally I manage to pull loose.

While we worry and stress about watching our kids every move on the plot life is relaxed. The kids will do a thing once and either get hurt and not do it again or we will discipline them once they have got up to the mischief and being caught out.

Its so much better letting them make decisions for themselves instead of forcing them to be good cause you watching their every move. The way we hover over them is never going to teach them how to make good decisions. They will always be looking over their shoulder for reassurance that its ok to do it or not do it.

They then won’t make mistakes and learn that there are consequences. So while we hover over them ensuring they are safe we are hindering their growth and maybe even self worth.

Let’s face it they stack two blocks on top of each other and wait for praise instead of getting praise when they have really achieved something.

Since the farm I have taken a step back and looked at my parenting style. I am a hovering praise singing parent.

I watched my monkey yesterday how he flourished just being set free to do as he wanted to without his every move being second guessed. He managed to make some good choices and maybe some not so wise ones.

I presumed he had gone to look for the roosters and chickens but in fact he had gone to look for the most skittish of the horses. Thank goodness he hadn’t found her as she had been moved. She is a beautiful lady and loves monkey and I but she is nervous and could bolt or kick at any time as she is easily frightened.

Today he stayed home with me and I gave him more freedom than normal and um I was surprised at how well behaved he was. I shall be doing this more often.

Sigh but it isn’t easy to let him loose.

is it a ploy?!!!!!!

Now in my family there are many adults that have no concept of consequences for their actions. When consequences hit they are bewildered and can not for the life of them understand why this is happening to them.

My mom is a prime example, she yells screams lashes out in anger and when you withdraw, but what’s wrong with you why are you ignoring me?

Now my son displays such behaviour.
The other night he was rude to me and then wanted a baboo (piggy back ride) to the loo. When I said no you were rude to me he was devastated that I would not do as he wished.

If I threaten to take away his toys because he is being naughty he says “why do you want to do that” with wide eyed innocence. Why would I instill punishment for bad behaviour, yet he gets it when I reward good behaviour.

Does he really not get the bad behaviour part and think I am an ogres or is a ploy to get me to give in.

I was then reminded by a fellow facebook user that should I allow him to have his way he will follow an undesirable path and maybe find ogres far worse than me.

Sometimes he doesn’t get the good behaviour reward either when I spring it on him. Like “hey let’s go to the park today you were such a good boy all week.” “Why mom”.

Is he just to little to get the concept of reaping what you sow or is he crafty enough to realise hey let me pretend I have no clue how this works and she will give in.

I don’t give in by the way I do follow through with promises, so its not lack of trying on my side.

Sigh I will figure it out one day if its a reality and needs dealing with or if its trying to sucker ogres mom yet again lol.

peace? ho hum

So my monkey has been home with me for more than a week now and today he is back to school.

Twas the day he returned to school
Not a creature was stirring not even the cat
Time hung in the air waiting for his return
The clutter was removed the beds all smooth.
As I danced I listened to be asked why.

Mama in her apron and cap upon her head
Settling my brain from all the questions of why.
When out on the lawn a shriek was heard.
I sprang from my couch to see who it might be.
Away to the door I flew in a flash flung open the latch and threw open the door.

When what to my wondering eye should appear.
But a monkey to tiny and true
With a school bag so lively and quick.
I knew in a moment it was my boy.
He whistled and winked called for his cat.
Come on Onyxa I am home
To the top of the stairs, now dash away dash away with me.
Into my arms he flew for hugs so true
I could not be happier he was home.
The why began and the whining continued.
I didn’t care or moan I just answered quick.
All tucked up tight in bed the day was done and the silence was peace.

Momohyeah

Fatherhood

How wonderful that I have a hubby that gets this roll totaly

why

Oh me goodness why?

I have a vivid imagination and can summons a story within a minute. The game where u choose a subject and the person has to talk for a minute without a stop or hesitation. I am the queen and my cousins would leave me babble on longer than a minute to try and catch me out.

But even ny vast imagination has been all tapped out with monkeys why today.
Sigh I can’t wait for school tomorrow and yet I am dreading him not being with me.