mommy ogres?

We had been discussing the effects of our actions on our kids and whether they remember and from how tiny.

Well tonight sitting in the bath for some reason my son and I were chatting about when he gave up his dummy.

“Well you were only allowed the dummy to sleep with and you bit the teat off and I kept giving you the broken dummy till you threw it away.”

“Uh uh Finias (our gardener) popped it.” Well jaw dropped into the bath, monkey had always claimed Finias had popped it. I thought that story had long been forgotten. He as only round 18months old.

Then horror of horrors “an you never bought a new one when we went to the shops” Oh my word he was spot on, every night I would say when we go to the shops I will buy a new one. I never did and after three weeks he stopped asking. “Mom, shops new dummy”. Was an every night ritual for three weeks.

His first remembered promise mom had made and not kept. How many other promises does his little head have stored that mom never did.

I am pretty much a stickler for keeping my word except I wanted the dummy gone, fearing he would bite the teat off in the night and choke on it. It wasn’t a sob story each night he seemed to be coping fine without it. I thought it was passing comments he was making.

Then suddenly I had an emotion smack into me as I clearly remember the day my blanky and bottle were removed from me. I was about 3 and got into bed. “Granny where is my blanky and bottle.” “The birdies came and took them away.” “But Granny they are in the cupboard” I sobbed.

Granny assured me they weren’t and that the birdies had taken them. I wasn’t allowed to look in the cupboard. I was heart broken sobbing and crying. Asking for just my blanky then, but gran wouldn’t budge. I could still see my blue blanky and I was horrified. I am 47 for goodness sake how on earth did I remember that day with such clarity.

I don’t remember if I cried for them on other occasions but that first night was definitely still a very real and vivid memory. Will it be for my child to.

It again confirmed to me we need to keep our promises and to be more careful with the way we deal with our children.

There will still be a million other traumatic things he remembers which I will have forgotten or forget about but he won’t.

Sigh no matter what we will be a mommy ogres of note for some or other reason best I get used to it.


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