just a little more

Its my little guys birthday in June and I have to purchase his gifts and party things with my May salary or else there won’t be any money for him near the end of the month.  While we are not flush we live from pay day to pay day with very little extra cash and so this birthday is going to set me back a little but its going to be so worth it just to see my little guys face light up at everything
My guilt is this, I can afford a few of the gifts he wants but not all of them and he has been such a good boy at the shops.  We go into the shops and he doesn’t demand he looks longingly at the toys and then says “mom is this a birthday present or a now present”.  If its really big he asks when will I be able to get this, with absolute longing in his little eyes.  Like the little motorised cars that he can actually drive in they are just way above a birthday Christmas or any other present at this point in time.  Probably by the time he can save his pocket money for one he won’t fit in the car anymore.
These are the times my heart breaks for him, I really don’t believe in giving a child everything their heart desires even if I had the money but there are just some things out of my reach which I really can’t afford and I would love to give to my little guy.
Then I think of parents out there who yearn for the privilege of walking into a shop and purchasing them enough food for the month ensuring that there is a meal for every meal time that comes around.  Parents would love to just have a roof for their children to sleep under never mind a warm bed.  Heck there are parents who have no idea where their kids are and yearn just to hug them.
I am not being ungrateful, it would just be nice to give my child a little bit more but then if I did would he appreciate the little he does get.   I see the kids that get it all, and I see what happens to the toys after five minutes  and I know a child that despite him getting and getting he has nothing to show for it.
I give my little guy a load of attention and every night we either watch video clip I downloaded on my phone or read books before bed and he loves that cuddle time and the time we spend with him is precious.
Sigh I am not materialistic nor is my child but I still yearn to give him that little bit more I think I need help.


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