holding in my gut

Slowly step by step I am a mom learning to let my monkey do things for himself.

In the morning 5min is the key to allowing him time to getting dressed all on his own. Yes I know at 3 he should be dressing and undressing himself but its so much easier if I do it. There really isn’t time in the morning to wait for him.

Pouring his juice and making his sandwich is so much quicker and easier than cleaning up a mess. Problem is tantrums now are playing a bigger time issue in the scheme of things so. Suck in the gut hold your breath sister and let him dress himself. Let him make the sarmi and pour the juice.

So what if we have to redress him mop the floor and wipe up the table and start another sarmi. He has to learn to do it.

The ducks are calmly eating the bread we brought. And from across the small dam I see the main dudes making their way to where the food is and I laugh because they are big strong and shiny. So healthy and swimming with style in a group.

They have no qualms they fight off the other ducks and head straight for my monkey. I want to run and shield him and at the same time I wanna burst out laughing at the sight of his terror.

I want to protect him but I need him to find a way to stand up for himself so calmly I tell him to stand by me. The ducks have no worries and continue to head to us all they can see is the bread. Monkey is now ready to throw the loaf at them and run but I help him stand his ground

Heck I wanted to run the way they were hissing and monkey says “mom that one is a snake one he says sssss” I want to pick him up but know its time for him to learn to stand his ground.

Those are the easier things to give into though. Today I learnt my biggest lesson of all. Let him try it out he can do it. So we at the park the monkey bars are high up but if I hold him at the knees he can manage to get across.

Great going big applause he can do the monkey bars. Horror of horrors he wants to get on top of the monkey bars. So I could have climbed up and helped him up or I shouldve said just plain old no ways.

But its time to teach him to think for himself and help him do things. So I leave him to battle a little then suggest he monkey up the pole and get on top.

So he does this which I didn’t really expect him to achieve. I look up and he is way above me with no way of me reaching him if he needs help and whether I would catch him if he fell I had no idea.

So sucking in my gut not wanting to put my fear on him I keep the scream about to fall out of my mouth burried in my gut. My teeth are firmly locked shut and my lips are white. I can’t encourage him because my scream is brewing.

He makes it to the other side and my scream bursts forth as a triumphant burst of joy and pride. Ok that’s my story and I am sticking to it I don’t care what everyone else heard lol. My monkey thankfully heard the fear and didn’t attempt that again.

Moral is I am proud of myself I am learning to let go and let him and even teaching him a way to do the thing I fear.

Sigh now if I could just let the gut tension go as easy as the scream I would be fine


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