dearest buggy bear

Dear Love of My Life
For years and years I have taken you for granted my dear buggy bear, walking over how you feel and bullying you into doing things my way or else.  Suddenly I have realised  that where I have thought I was strong I have actually been a weakling.  All I have been is a bully, telling you that if you didn’t do this or that it was over or however else I knew to manipulate you.
The other day when I asked our Monkey whose the boss and with amazement he answered Daddy.  I was taken aback like it was a slap in the face, hey what’s this nonsense I am the boss everyone knows that how come he didn’t know that.  Suddenly I had to take stock and sit back and pay attention.   
Sitting back to asses our family after that slap in the face the realisation hit.  You are the strong one, holding the family together, you are the one quietly driving us to a goal.  Gently loving us and pushing us in the right direction steering us when we go wrong.  Never before has someone’s love and devotion awed me like this.
While there is a certain pride in me for brining you out of the pits that you thought had consumed you there is a load of shame, it wasn’t done because I totally loved you, it was because I could gain something from it.  When looking at how you have loved and cared and gently stood by watching me blunder along suddenly your true worth is coming through there is awe and finally its sinking in as to what true love is like.
This hard shell out to get what is due has suddenly started cracking and breaking and realisation is setting in that without you in my life there would be nothing even if monkey was totally mine. 
Last night for the first time in a very long long  time I  was able to totally relax and just let us be a couple, not striving to be in charge or control things but happy to just love and be loved.  Dinner on our own was so great even though it was at church.  Sitting back and letting you take the conversation was amazing for me and while we had nothing to add to our elders travel stories and disappointments in cutting his overseas holiday short you managed to carry some conversation.  It was a total awe inspiring evening for me and predictably many many more like that are to come.
This is just a small way of telling you that you are the most amazing person I have had the honour to get to know.  You have endured more over this last two years than many people and yet you still stand strong. 
Bettering yourself and using the tough time as a leverage to better yourself and your family. 

You are an amazing husband but an even better father and your son adores you. He believes he can fix the world and he certainly isn’t far from wrong for you sure fix our world real good.

Buggy bear my darling hubby it is with pride I walk by your side as your wife, because you are the most amazing man and now you just need to realise your worth.


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