i will not be poisoned any further

Intended burglars I am mad at you for killing my dog but let me tell you that, that madness doesn’t come close to the madness that a mother feels when you have deliberately upset the dynamics of a happy safe family environment.
 
You have invaded my home with poison not only the physical effects I am feeling today from the toxin you fed my beautiful wonderful dog which penetrated by body through my skin.  As I was rubbing my beautiful wonderful girl trying to comfort her, her sweat penetrated my hands and as I rubbed my tears my skin burnt and the poison penetrated my body through my eyes.  I may be nauseous and feeling dizzy from this poison but the wrath of the emotional poison you have made my family ingest is beyond comprehension.
 
I now have to face the fact that my boy has been thrown from an innocent 3 year old into the sick world of adults where fear, death and disillusion reign.  You have robbed him on his innocence, he can no longer play outside without wondering if a badie will penetrate his world and turn it upside down.  You have made him realise that pets and maybe even family could at any time die and this has baffled his little brain, the anger that swirls around my head could make me carry out my little boys thoughts.
 
He will shoot you with water and then feed you some of the very same ugly muti you fed our Annie to ensure that it makes you sick.  How on earth did a three year old come up with such a plan he never watches tv without adult supervision and doesn’t watch any movies not previously watched by my either my hub or myself.  He knew nothing of poisons emotional or physical until you invaded my family space.  I have never felt this way over anyone or anything and I am as tightly strung as a mother tigress separated from her young one so my advice is to stay the hell away from my house until I have calmed down enough else I will personally bare hand kill you by ripping the skin off your body.
 
I have not shown my son any of this anger nor given him any pity in this situation, we were positive hoping that Annie would pull through but she hasn’t and the hardest thing in the world for me was to hear my monkey ask me mom are we going to fetch Annie later”.  Not wanting to tell him on the phone about Annie’s death I just said she is not better yet but that lie was torn from me as if someone was ripping my heart out.  I have now had to deliberately lie to my son on top of this.
 
My son is not shy to deal with death and I have always been honest with him in this regard, but this new poison of lies, fear and deceit is ripping me to shreds.  How do I teach my son to be cautious but not totally afraid, to trust people but to trust his gut feeling above that trust without him becoming cynical and scared of the world. 
 
I am angry for now but I will not allow you to control my family and so I am putting away the anger and fear so that I am no longer a victim of this poison but rather a survivor.  I will no longer drink from your cup and stoop to your levels I will ensure my family live the life they are meant to live, my monkey deserves a mom willing to fight for him in anyway necessary and anger at this moment isn’t what he needs.
 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s